When breaking up...what to do after telling her its done?

just wondering after you break up with someone...do you usually stay a few min to let the other have a chance to ask why and ect?

whats a normal amount of time to stay to talk to her about it? what if she ends up just crying and doesn't talk...do you just walk out?

im trying to be as nice as I can about it...

Updates:
well...couldnt go through with it today...i was getting to it and then she started telling me how depressed she's been and all these problems...and I felt bad and couldn't dump her on top of this...but now its worse because of new years.
usually she has me sleep over for new years eve, but I feel like its wrong if I do. So looks like I'm not this yr. Breaking up sucks, I wanted to do this before Xmas and it keeps dragging out, feels like there's no good time to end it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • When my ex dumped me with no warning he stuck around after but offered no comforting words. He didn't say "I'm sorry, I know this must be hard to hear" or offer up anything. Actually all he did say about it was "I'm not going to hold you and coddle you and tell you it's okay because it's not". Please don't do this to her, it sounds so defiant as if you could care less. I even asked him why he was still sitting there and he just said "Do you want me to go?" Well what the hell are you doing if you say you don't want to discuss working on it and you aren't willing to own up to your part in hurting me? When he finally did leave I went to hug him goodbye ( to be polite or show I wasn't angry or whatever) and he held his arms away from me and wouldn't hug me back. In retrospect he made it SO MUCH worse by acting like that. So be there to comfort, although don't give false hope or mixed signals, and if you feel like you guys are talking in circles, say so gently and leave it at that. If she gets angry and unreasonable, offer to talk at a later date when she's calmed down ( but this can be a slippery slope, because the point is not to let it drag on and on). I think that acknowledging you know this hurts her but that it isn't your intention is about the best you can do. It is going to be painful and difficult no matter what though. Good luck.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Honestly, I don't think anything you do will make it better... she's going to be upset no matter what you do. I haven't really had any jerk break ups, all my exes were comforting... and it seemed to make the harder to get over... cause I would think 'oh he was such a great guy'. I always wondered if it would be easier to move on if they were a jerk about the break up cause a jerk would be easier to get over.

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    • Actually it wouldn't be easier because suddenly he'll start acting like a jerk, but since you still like the guy, you would think you did something wrong so you'll question yourself about what you did to cause him to react that way, try to fix yourself, until you find out that he was just trying to get rid of you all this time. It's a long, drawn out process. It feels like torture, which is what the last guy I dated did to me. :'( No answers, no nothing. Still hurts.

  • You definitely should give her time to ask questions etc. Cause she deserves to know exactly why you want to break up. And if she starts crying, which she most likely will, try to comfort her. Don't just leave because that will look very cold and cruel. But at some point once you feel like everything has been said you can just simply say 'I should go'. Give her a last hug and go. It's going to be hard for sure but just try to be as understanding and comforting as possible.

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  • If she starts crying be there to comfort her if she lets you. If she pushes you away still stay there. The only time you should leave is if she gets violent lol. Otherwise it would be nice if you comforted her. And yes after you break up with her you should give her time to ask why and to react to what happened. There's no normal amount of time to talk about it, it's just about letting her know how you feel and comfort her then you leave.

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    • thanks for your help... going through with it tomorrow...

  • Stay away from her, it will be devistating enough losing you, just having you around will destroy her even more. Men are such heartbreakers... :`(

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What Guys Said 1

  • You have to man up and act like a real man. You tell her the truth and then you give her the time she needs to process it. If she tells you to leave, you leave. If she wants to talk about it, you let her and you tell her the truth without getting her hopes up for reconciliation. If she needs to cry and be held, you let her. But, you don't kiss her goodbye, have one last make-out session or break-up sex. These are things that jackasses and little boys would do to pamper their egos. You need to make the break clean and consistent. Don't make promises to try and remain friends or anything like that. You might be able to become friends again somewhere down the road, but trying to maintain any level of relationship in the immediate future only leads to one of you hoping it means the door remains open for reconciliation. You are not married, so there is no point in trying to make something work that doesn't have a future. Marriages can be repaired ndrelationships restored, dating relationships are on a completely lower level of commitment and trust is often too broken after a break-up to be restored.

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