How to break it to him gently...

I have been in a relationship for 5 years straight (two different guys/relationships not at same time) and throughout this time I have been friends with this guy, Adam. Adam has confessed his undying love for me (his words, not mine) for the last 4 years, and it is getting to the point that he is planning this life with me that I don't consent to. He is my friend, and I do care for him... but it's getting kind of scary.

Updates:
For the record- I have told him outright that I do not feel the same way and that there isn't any sort of future in store for us. I have told him gruffly that we will never be more than friends. I don't lead him on.
ok this subject is over. my sister wanted to see what she could get... and now she's gone. so thanks guys. I told her exactly what all of you said.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I feel like trying to break it to him 'gently' is a lost cause. You're going to have to be somewhat outright about it. Have you pulled him aside (in person) and told him how you really feel about the situation and how it is really bothering you?

    Failing that, maybe it's time to create the fictionally man of your dreams and tell him about this guy, or create some separation.

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    • I have a boyfriend whom he knows about in full detail. Yes I have talked to him and in some cases quite roughly. But I am at the point to where it seems I either need to put up with it or lose a friend.

    • Hate to break it to you, but I think you know the solution and don't want to face it. Don't know what else to say.

    • Yeah you're right. I was just hoping for some obvious answer that I overlooked. The beauty of denial.

What Girls Said 1

  • Its something you just need to be brutally honest about. He will be upset and it may effect your friendship... but that might be for the best as you are kind of stringing him along. You know that you don't have feelings for him and there is nothing there... but he probably sees it differently, and believe there is more than just freindship between you.

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    • Actually, now that I think about it... I was in a similar situation. I was friends with this guy who had a girlfriend but he would always strongly flirt with me, he would even force me to cuddle with him and there was a lot of unwanted physical contact. I always told him I wasn't comfortable with his behaviour, and as it progressed I got much more stern with him. He always ignored me and in the end I just couldn't be around him and we are no longer friends. It sucks, but its what you need to do.

    • Yeah I was hoping that wouldn't be the case. I just feel a little "extra bad" because he doesn't have much for family, and he's in the military. Most of his friends drifted away when he joined (they were mutual friends). I just don't want him to feel abandoned.

    • You can tell him something like, if he refuses to let it go and ignore you when you say there is nothing between you then you cannot continue to be his friend. Then at least he gets a warning.

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