Have you ever NOT regretted reaching out to an ex?

Considering reaching out to one and it’s been almost 2 years. I did a Halloween activity yesterday that reminded me of her.

Just to catch up.
  • Yes - I was nervous but it helped with something
    Vote A
  • No - I regretted it regardless of my intentions.
    Vote B
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Updates:
Hey this has nothing to do with getting her back. I know that door was slammed shut a long time ago. It’s about reconciling and getting closure.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I used to like somebody and he didn't like me. Later on he liked me but I ignored him because I believed I could do better. He was a virgin when I met him and at the time he returned interest in dating me he had already slept with 4 woman and I was still a virgin and I thought he was damaged goods.

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    • so how does this relate to the question? Did you reach out to him? So is he "damaged goods" because he slept with four other women? Weird story you got.

Most Helpful Guy

  • In 2007-2008, I dated a woman who was originally from the Ukraine. She was a very nice lady, affectionate, and pretty. Unfortunately, she had to relocate about four hours away from where I live. In 2015, I visited her for Valentine's Day. She had become an overly dedicated grandmother to her twin granddaughters; she thinks that her daughter and son-on-law are not good parents and that only she can provide the proper care for these two girls. Because of that, Oksana was unwilling to leave them even for just a weekend visit to me in my hometown. Otherwise, we enjoyed our time together and the old feelings were just as strong.

    Last November, I visited her again but her insane dedication had not resolved. She spent one night together and then said our goodbyes. I doubt that I will ever see her again. In February this year, I started dating my current girlfriend (a Mohican) and we are now living together. If this works out - as I hope it will - I will never again see Miss Oksana. . . but I have absolutely no regrets about reaching out to reconnect with her.

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    • I want to reach out to an ex for closure purposes. But I gave my word two years ago in a final email that I would never contact her again.

      I’m a man of my word and I don’t want to break it. But the thought of this has been gnawing at me for a very long time.

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    • Reach out and old feelings come flooding back, she rejects you, and you again experience heart break.

    • This by far the longest I’ve gone without contacting her. She also knows where I stand because I was brutally honest in my last email about just wanting closure and not wanting her back. Before that I attempted to start a friendly dialogue to get to that point but it didn’t work.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • Relationships are complicated. But if you communicate effectively you may get the desired result or not. Either way be confident and accent you could win or lose.
    Now does that after what you're going to do?

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    • I don't want her back. Something really shitty happened after we split and I wanted closure about it.

      It's been a very long time now and I wonder if she processed it out. But she has never reached out to me, so she most likely doesn't give a shit. But there is a gnawing feeling she open up about it.

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    • I'm glad you have come to a decision. Going forward it shouldn't plague you anymore.

    • I thought after forgiving her two years ago it would heal, but it hasn't. If I had to choose between a winning lotto ticket vs. 20 mins face to face to get closure on the horrible thing that happened years ago... well lets just say it would be a tough choice (yeah I might take the money lol).

      Despite sleeping with 15+ girls after we split up and dating a very beautiful girl for 9 months this issue still haunts me.

      But yeah it's not going to happen. I have to live with that. But I don't think I could ever trust someone again.

  • I have no regret not taking my ex. Since growing up with him he likes to show off. When I left Singapore there is many rumour his been doing sex and showing off money to people. Throwing money at people face. Drinking expensive cafes to show his riches. His parents are also a bit abuse and do not like rich people dress up poor. Due to my different lifestyle which is I love to take the taxi and public transport, we cannot be together. A part of me wants to see him and me being together but mostly pls breakup with me.

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  • I don't see the point of reaching out to an ex... if it didn't work the first time then why do you think it would work out again?

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    • I don’t want her back. Even she wanted me back I wouldn’t trust her after what she did. Her family probably hates me anyway.

      But I like to get closure on some VERY shitty stuff that happened after we split. With most women I wouldn’t of been surprised. But I thought she was better than that. I guess I want the hope she was better than that. Doesn’t mean I want her back.

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    • Can you tell me what exactly happened?

    • Messaged you

  • If not to get back together then what's the point?

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    • closure about some shitty stuff.

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    • Well if you know you did nothing wrong, then why would you want closure? Closure is for those who don't what happened or what went wrong. If that's the case, then that means that she was a shitty person who couldn't even give you a reason (or even a lame excuse) as to why it ended. Which makes me wonder why the hell would you want a closure from a shitty person? It's like asking an idiot for advice. What could such a shitty person tell you that could benefit your life in future?
      Every person is different, and when it comes to break ups it's always personal and looked subjectively. Every relationship is different, every break up is different. What you did with your and thought was "wrong" might be "right" with another person, and vice versa. The relationship ended, game over, move on. There is absolutely nothing you can get out of closure with an ex. You can only continue being yourself and reflect on things you think you did wrong in the past, and better in future.

    • I already decided not to reach out to her. It has to do about giving my word. I don’t break it for no one, especially myself.

      The issue that happened was beyond a “normal” break up. It’s haunted me for years. It driven me both positively and negatively (I picked up some new vices)

      That hasn’t stopped me from dating other women and getting a different girlfriend a while ago. That didn’t work out either (ghosted without warning after 9 months of dating) but I was mentally prepared for anything at that point.

  • Never talk to an ex

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  • No. I don't talk to ex's.

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    • Two of them kept flirting with me even after things ended and it annoyed me. Then I blocked them on all social media. I made it a policy to never talk to ex's.

  • When you have an intimate relationship with someone, to some extent they form a part of defining moments in your life. It’s not so easy to just forget everything, feelings always stay to some extent. At some point that person triggered many good feelings within you and with time the negatives are easier to overlook. So yeah I’ve reached out and it helped me to let go in many ways whilst holding on in others. Hard to explain but it helped:).

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    • I know what you mean.

      As a man I’m expected to be tough and to move on. It’s much easier to label me a loser, creep, desperate, etc. if I can’t get over something than vice versa.

      I’ve kept my word about not contacting her. But I don’t think she will ever reach out to me again for the rest of my life. I just have to accept it but time is not healing things the way it should.

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    • Wait just realised it’s been two years since you split so I’d take it you have moved on in most ways. I’d say there’s no harm in casually contacting her to share the thing that reminded you of her and just sort of check in. Just keep it light and remove expectations to simply share what you’re comfortable with and keep it respectful since she’ll most probably be taken off guard and may be in abouther relationship (so less comfortable interacting with an ex).

    • Yep. She stopped responding to my messages a few years ago and that’s when I wrote my final email. Prior to that I kept things light and easy and we did have a phone call once. But I finally opened up about the real reason i kept reaching out. I also apologized for contacting her but explained that if a certain incident wouldn’t of have happened I would have moved on a long time ago. I gave my word never to contact her again and I haven’t it. Deep down I really wished she would have responded just to acknowledge it.

      They say a man is good as his word. I don’t think she’ll be upset if I contact her but I don’t like breaking my word either. But how what if she finally opens up about what I want to know?

      I’ve met multiple women and slept with over 40 in my life. Not bragging but this one was VERY different compared to the others. She built me up for an entire year and then slammed me down.

What Guys Said 4

  • If you reach out to your ex, you are making a big mistake. It's okay for a woman to reach out to her ex, but never for a guy. Why is this? Relationships (almost) never work out when the man is more interested than the woman.

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    • Very true, very true.

      It's not about trying to get back together though.

    • That may be true, but she may think otherwise.

    • and she most likely does think otherwise and I'm hoping for the frozen chance in hell there is a glimmer of hope.

      I'm not going to reach out to her. I glanced at my phone thinking about earlier today and I was like "nah". But I have literally done EVERYTHING else (including getting a relationship with someone else for a while) to get past this and nothing kills that old demon.

  • I consider my exes as good as dead. They no longer exist in my mind.

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    • I get angry at God that I don’t have the same mindset.

  • No I have not. I have a few rules that I set for myself and one is, I will never get back with an ex. Not matter what if will never be the same, as it was the first time you got together. No matter what myself or her will always that what if factor in the back of our minds. What if he leaves me again. What if she cheat on me again, and so on. I'm ok with being friends with my ex, but never get back together and I'm better off that way.

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    • I don’t want her back. But I wanted to catch up.

    • That in itself is different, catching up is a level of friendship. However that could open the door up for the other person to think that, you may want them back unless you let it be known that you just want to catch up.

  • By default, I can't answer as I've never reached out to an ex

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