What should I do?

I just went through a very bad break up. We were engaged for nearly a year and I found out she was not only cheating on me but she was having sex for money. She had quit her job. She want even hanging out with friends. When I found out about it. She lied to me about why she was doing it. I ended up moving across the country. I'm so broken inside. All I ever did was love her and bend over backwards to help her out. She crashed her car I was there. She got fired for some stupid shit i was there. I don't know how to heal. I am lost and alone. I need help.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I’m confused. Not too long ago you said you were forever alone and couldn’t get a relationship going. Now you say you’ve been engaged for a year. What’s going on?

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    • That question was over a year ago.

    • You’re better off without her. Time move on get busy with your life and become open to meeting someone new.

What Guys Said 2

  • It's just gonna take time.
    At least you didn't marry her and you don't have children with her right?
    Trust me that makes getting over her so much harder. Imagine if you still had to see her everyday to pick up your child, it's torture to not have any space after someone hurts you.
    At least you have distance from her now.
    It sucks and you feel betrayed right?
    It's humiliating too.
    The thing is that it's almost like a right of passage for men, her cheating will change you.
    You won't trust women the same anymore.
    You're gonna get through it though.
    The depression will go away and eventually she won't be as important to you.
    It just takes time a lot of nightmares.
    You will feel normal again eventually.
    Good luck to you.

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  • You built a massive dream on horrible foundations as I see it. And now it's like everything has come crumbling down, and that can be particularly devastating if you revolved your entire idea of your future happiness around that dream.

    But if you want to recover from broken dreams and hopes then you have to start building new ones: new goals to pursue that engage you and keep you interested. That's easier said than done but that's the path to recovery as I see it, and that dream doesn't have to revolve around something as unpredictable as another human being. It could just be something that fills you with excitement and motivation when you wake up, like something you always wanted to do but didn't.

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    • I had a pretty devastating break up many years ago in my early-mid 20s, and it was also after we got engaged and she got cold feet. And I didn't get cheated on to my knowledge but she was a difficult one: bipolar anemic girl prone to fainting and crying out of the blue. And I kind of fell in love with taking care of her all the time, which is probably a really bad way to fall for somebody.

      But still when she called things off (probably a great thing now in long hindsight), I thought I could never love anyone ever again. And for the first few years that seemed true enough.

      But now, many years later, I reflected upon that chapter in my life as a curiosity. The memories of her are still quite vivid only I find those memories have become more about me now, and the funny dreams I built when young, and I'm not missing her at all.

      It's a strange thing, since I still remember a period in my life when I was certain I wanted nothing else but her.

    • * [...] which is probably a really bad way to fall for somebody.

      At least someone who is not a child, and I somewhat related my love for her as a parent to a child, even though she was the same age me. I still had to go out of my way all the time to make her feel happy, make sure she took medication, carrying her back to the hotel from Disney Land in the snow because she fainted, all of this sort of thing. I guess I got some ego boost from feeling "needed" and almost became addicted to that idea.

      But in retrospect it was a very unhealthy way to love, to tie that to the feeling of being "needed", "important", only to find that rug swept under my feet when she broke off the engagement.

      Still, it was like a broken dream as I see it now in retrospect, and perhaps not too unlike a rising star athlete experiencing a debilitating injury which destroys that dream of a future. And there's only going to be rubble as I see it until you build something new and sort of rise out of the ashes.

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