"Upset" that my ex and I work great as friends but not as a couple. How can I cope?

My two year relationship ended very recently. We still care about each other very much and didn't necessarily "want" to end things, we just knew it wasn't working (big part of that because we saw some important things differently) even though we really tried to make things work. It hurt but things also instantly felt better between us somehow.

It still hurts, but we are slowly feeling better. However, I've kinda been getting this feeling of what I can best describe as some sort of "upsetment" maybe mixed with slight disappointment and anger relating to the fact that we were and are great friends but that we couldn't make it work in a relationship. I have no hard feelings towards him, just that we get along so well otherwise and it's so "easy" when we're just friends but things still didn't work when we were a couple. I really wanted things to work.

I'm not sure how to deal/cope with this feeling. It happened recently so perhaps it's something that would go away on its own eventually (?) but I don't want it to turn into resentment. Advice is appreciated.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • We broke up. We were great friends, lovers as well. Couples was okish but we just saw each other as friends. Nothing more. I’ll take most of the blame. Mostly my fault.

    I think because friends pushed us. I think that what may been down fall. If we was left alone. Then there been great chance. But being push. Let’s just say the glue wasn’t set right.

    As for cope. One day at a time. Tears are good. Admitting it for what it is. At least you booth tried. Not many will.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It will get better over time. Just acknowledge the situation and accept the the fact that you guys make a great team as friends, and that that's just how it was meant to be.

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What Guys Said 10

  • It will go away on its own but you two can not be friends for a while and probably never be great friends again. Sadly in most cases it comes with the territory of having once dated. You need time apart to let the feelings dissolve and thtlat can't happen if you see them constantly

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    • I do hope it does go away soon. ^^

      However I know the common idea is that once you break up you're supposed to break contact completely/can't/shouldn't be friends etc, but I feel like for us it might work (at least we hope it does). Of course if we feel like we need some space to heal we'll take it but we want to keep each other in our lives, even if it's just as friends. I feel like it would be a huge loss to completely shut such a great person out of my life, and he feels the same. I WILL try my best to heal and move on from him romantically as best as I can tho, as I will want to find a long-term partner in the future once I've healed enough. However no matter what happens I will probably always care about him and his well-being, even if it's not in a romantic way.

    • Im sorry, but it doesn't work that way. You'tr lying to yourself if you think you can just switch mindsets without the space. I've been in your position before. We were best friends before we dated and tried to keep in contact eventually ruining her new relationship before it started and ending our friendship once we tried to do it again. Lifes hard enough to navigate on your own and trying to think about an ex as only a friend complicates it tenfold. Good luck

    • there's also a good reason thats the common idea after a breakup.

  • I think a better word for what I think you mean is frustration. It's natural and there's not a lot you can do about it, this is why people say stay away from an ex for a bit so you can get over the loss of the relationship.

    The more time you spend with him the more you'll frustrate yourself. Depends how much you can take.

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  • "big part of that because we saw some important things differently".
    You can be a couple, and accept that you are never going to marry. You dont have to be a couple just because you think "oh yeah this'll be my wife".
    You can just be a couple for the sake of it. Because it makes you happy.

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    • That's true, but that's not what I personally want when it comes to a romantic relationship and with these things specifically, it would probably have been quite difficult to be happy together in that way (which is a shame).

  • Suck it up. Are you able to become her emotional tampon? If the answer is yes, then congrats girls can be very good friends. But it’s import st you don’t have any more feelings for her. That will consume you and destroy you.

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  • Did you try be a friend with rights with him?
    Think about it, both advantages any unconvenience.
    And will give you both a good relation to compare with your next couple.

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  • Hi sweety how to make sure you are interested in the future

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  • Stop thinking about it friendship don't mean a relationship will work just one of them things

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  • give it some time.

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  • Have you seen the Disney movie frozen?

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    • I have, how come?

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    • xd nice one. I'm trying but it's hard sometimes.

    • Walked straight into that one lol

  • Go down to the garden and eat some worms?

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    • Huh?

    • Oh! Nobody loves me,
      Ev'rybody hates me.
      Let's go down to the garden and eat some worms!
      Big, fat juicy ones.
      Eeeny weeny teeny ones.
      Gooy, chewy, yummy, yummy worms!

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