If your ex started a new relationship with someone close right after the breakup, do you consider it is cheating?

If your ex started a new relationship with someone close right after the breakup, do you consider it is cheating?
I can understand some people may want to move on quickly and they try to ease their mind by jumping into new relationships, but especially doing this with someone you have been talking to lately before breaking up is completely cheating to me. There are moments where both significant other do not love each other anymore and they already stop caring, start talking to others. These are exceptional moments, even tho I find it is pretty stupid to not break up directly.

What I am talking about is abusing your SO in a manipulative way and pushing them into break up with you by seeking excuses, instead your SO was still loving you in all ways. Cheating isn't something it only happens when it is physical to me.

This is completely a very vulgar thing to me and it is only deceiving yourself. Most people are doing this in order to not cheat their partner, but they are only not cheating in a "technical" way. Those kind of people are not even spending time with their SO, but spending time with someone else more and saying that "I am not even flirting" isn't anything innocent to me.

When you break up with your ex, if you are starting to date with that person you have been talking to a lot during your relationship, it becomes cheating to me. Whoever is defending it or finding normal are also the ones who have tendency to be a cheater to me, you can feel offended freely. If you were never sure about your feelings, then you should had never said "I love you" to that person. If you did said and just in few months, you started having interest with others, then you are a player.

ps. I have never been cheated, this is something very ugly to me and I wondered your opinions.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • yeah if she was talking to a guy when we we're still together that's obviously cheating, but anything that happens after the breakup is irrelevant because I've already moved on at that point

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    • ofc, nothing wrong to meet with new people and move on but they're just trying to not look bad and sadly doing this most of the time..
      I am glad to see you think the same

  • It's not a very nice thing and I've had it happen to me long ago with an ex with whom I was engaged to be married, while she started talking to another guy and then started dating him just weeks after calling off the engagement. Still I consider it at least a little bit more ethical than outright cheating since there's no element of deception involved.

    At least she didn't do this behind my back while letting me be oblivious about the affair, if you will. Though it was still very painful and felt like she did kind of do something behind my back and those words she said, like that she'll love me no matter what, even if I became cripple, suddenly started to seem very empty after that. She also convinced me that guy she was talking to was only a friend, even joked and laughed about the idea of ever being together, only to be together with him a few weeks after.

    If there was anything I learned from the experience, it's to not trust in such words of affection so much. I learned about how fickle people can be. But I see it as kind of a helpless situation because she seem to start becoming attached to that guy before she broke up with me, and maybe he became a natural choice after calling off the engagement. I also try to exhibit some doubt and try not to jump to the conclusion that she intentionally deceived me the whole time. Maybe she did just genuinely change her mind after the break up.

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    • * But I see it as kind of a helpless situation because she [/seemed] to start becoming attached to that guy before she broke up with me [...]

      If she intentionally lied to me at any point, whether she lied about loving me no matter what, or lied about thinking the guy was only a friend, then I'd say this is definitely unethical.

      But I can't assume that for sure. She might have just changed her mind. I'd err on that side of assuming she was very fickle, and chose her words too hastily, than assume she was deceiving me the whole time.

      Either way it sucked but I can't really find it in myself to go back and accuse her of some crime because she dated the guy she was talking to before after calling off the engagement. It's been many years since and I'm happy for her and them now.

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    • It's very difficult as I see it. I agree with you that ideally they should know what they want, make up their mind, not waste the other person's time, be more careful with their words, etc. But they might be all confused, not know exactly what they want, things of this sort. It gets so messy with these things. So I see the issue more as potentially having to do with people being very foolish about jumping into relationships, not being careful with their words, not being firm in their stance. It does become less of a problem in my experience as people get older and have some relationships under their belt. I experienced the worst of these sorts of things when I was youngest.

    • at least they are left in ur past anymore and its really their lose, they lost Tom Cruise! I bet they regretted more after watching MI: Fallout even more

Most Helpful Girls

  • This happened to me. We had just moved in together 4 months earlier, a month before celebrated our 2 year anniversary. Said all these things “I love living with you, I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else, I love things being ours and making decisions together, thanks for helping me be a better person” and then bam. Blindsided break up. Packed up all his shit and left. Two weeks later he’s with a co worker. He had been texting her and liking her photos on instagram while we were still together (come to find out later).

    I agree with most everything you’ve said, but technically I don’t call it cheating. It’s awful, disgusting and disrespectful and definitely on the same level to me, but it should have its own name.

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    • Look at the answers here, it is not even cheating or anything wrong to the guys, that's just really disgusting and awful really. It is emotional cheating, they r just tryign to not look bad tbh. I am sad that happened to u

    • Oh yeah. I’m pretty certain that’s how my ex justifies it to himself too. Definitely has turned me off from dating for a while lol. Sad how ugly people’s true character can be 😞

    • *gives you a deep hug* you deserve better, don't feel sad please it is really his lose and he was not worth to you.
      you got rid of him earlier,

  • This exact situation happened me with my ex. He was being such a dickhead to me and he was spending an awful lot of time with this other girl. We were doing long distance at the time and I flew to the country he was teaching in because I hadn’t seen him since Christmas. He left to go on holidays the exact week I flew out so I broke up with him. A week later, he put his relationship with that girl on Facebook. While I have no proof that he did cheat, my gut feeling tells me he did.

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    • that's really horrible, he only deceived himself and he didn't even show u respect to not thinking of u like someone stupid.
      I am really sad to hear that, but yeah this is exactly what I've been talking about and I can't stand people can find this normal. Some even said "after break up, it is not cheating" this doesn't make any sense

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    • @Darknut I never said I didn’t trust you, where is this coming from?

    • Never mind..😊

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • It wouldn't be cheating, because technically you're not with them anymore. Though the seeds of setting up this quick relationship may have been being planted while still with them. Really, it's pretty gutless to go with someone quickly after a break-up

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    • Imagine I am ur girlfriend and I am texting u everyday, I am loving u so much, maybe u r bored of me or not I don't know, but u did said u loved me a lot and while u r ignoring me most of the time, u r also talking to another girl. U r not flirting with her, but u r enjoying ur conservations with her a lot and in the end u r breaking up with me and starting into a new relationship with her.

      Is that innocent?

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    • did this happen to you?

    • no I stated especially I have never been cheated or something else, I am only asking for observing people

  • " If you were never sure about your feelings, then you should had never said "I love you" to that person"
    Amen to that <3
    I agree it would be cheating or at least heart breaking that it will be clear that she would have left me for someone else.

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  • You do have a point and I agree with it, but technically speaking they're single and can do whatever they want as soon as you break up 🤷

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    • I am talking about the one in the relationship. Imagine I am ur girlfriend and I am texting u everyday, I am loving u so much, maybe u r bored of me or not I don't know, but u did said u loved me a lot and while u r ignoring me most of the time, u r also talking to another girl. U r not flirting with her, but u r enjoying ur conservations with her a lot and in the end u r breaking up with me and starting into a new relationship with her.

      Is that innocent?

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    • they're just trying to not look bad... once a cheater always a cheater 🤷

    • instead I stated I am never cheated, some considered I was cheated..

  • Yeah of course. She was planing or probably doing him that's why she would breakup with me. Indian Girls are smart they don't breakup with a guy without finder another sucker

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  • "When you break up with your ex, if you are starting to date with that person you have been talking to a lot during your relationship, it becomes cheating to me".
    I'd have to disagree strongly here. When you breakup, you are free to do whatever you want. Your ex has no rights over you, anymore.
    Exspecially when you break up, because you actually want to do it and it has nothing to do with that close friend.
    Is it still hurting for your ex? Yes
    Is it kind of disrespectful? Yes
    But its not cheating in my eyes, i dont understand how you could see it that way

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    • I am talking about the one in the relationship. Imagine I am ur girlfriend and I am texting u everyday, I am loving u so much, maybe u r bored of me or not I don't know, but u did said u loved me a lot and while u r ignoring me most of the time, u r also talking to another girl. U r not flirting with her, but u r enjoying ur conservations with her a lot and in the end u r breaking up with me and starting into a new relationship with her.

      Is that innocent?

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    • That would be already cheating (emotional) IN the relationship. I admit that would be cheating alltogether.
      But what if i did not fancy that person that much. What if you didn't care about that person much at all, and breaking up with me has nothing to do with him? What if you only started taking interest in him, AFTER we broke up?

    • "What if you only started taking interest in him, AFTER we broke up?" that is extremely normal and I would have nothing to say. I am talking about those who abuse relationships

  • It is called monkey branching and it does rub salt into the wounds but it is not cheating. My ex had a guy move in before I even had my clothes out of the house I paid for and this is very common. It just proves they had this other person on hold while waiting to get you out of the picture. What happens a lot is someone will meet someone new that they think is the better catch and then they will think up excuses to dump you to move on with someone else.

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  • Yes, I would but I would consider my ex close friend as a cheater more.

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    • Kesinlikle.

    • Bu arada son mesajımdan sonra mesaj ayarlarını değiştirdiğini farkettiğimda rahatsız ettim diye üzüldüm. Kötü bir niyetim yoktu. Birçok kişiye sordum aynı soruyu seninde o an online olduğunu gördüğümden sorayım demiştim.

  • no.. They moved on.. you broke up, that by its self says that you have no right to be upset about the other persons actions.

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  • Most likely something was going on... either way it's ugly.

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  • It's called monkey branching, and it's technically not cheating, but it's just as bad in my opinion.

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  • Nope, you can't cheat on someome you don't have a relationship with

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  • No, not after the break-up.

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  • No... this isn't cheating

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    • Imagine I am ur girlfriend and I am texting u everyday, I am loving u so much, maybe u r bored of me or not I don't know, but u did said u loved me a lot and while u r ignoring me most of the time, u r also talking to another girl. U r not flirting with her, but u r enjoying ur conservations with her a lot and in the end u r breaking up with me and starting into a new relationship with her.

      Is that innocent?

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    • I never experienced this... my relationships never turned to a real love and I was kinda the one who wanted to break up, I am someone who fall in love so rarely, I just didn't move on it becomes a serious thing when it was more like dating

    • With respect, at a young age there hasn't been that many opportunities to declare it a rarity yet.

  • not at all

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  • Everything you said I love

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  • Not cheating but definitely nasty

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  • No it is not

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  • no, you have then broken up

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  • If your broken up, your broken up.

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  • It's not cheating if it happens after a break up.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Getting with someone right after a breakup isn’t a cool move, but I don’t view it as cheating. Now if they’re starting a new relationship with someone else, whether physically or emotionally, while still in their old relationship, that’s absolutely cheating to me, even if it’s just casual flirting, they’re getting closer with someone who isn’t their SO.

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    • exactly, imagine talking to another girl every night in a "friendly" way while telling u he has no time or he is just busy and starting a relationship with that person after u guys broke up.. this is completely cheating to me no matter there was physical thing or flirt.
      it is clear he was attached to her and interested in more

    • Well if he’s neglecting the relationship to spend time and talk to another girl other than you, then that’d be emotional cheating before he even broke up with you and started a new relationship with said girl. I’m not sure if I’d count dating after breaking up cheating, but the before situation definitely is, at least I think so.

    • as always, u r understanding what I wanted to say exactly :-)

  • When you breakup, it's not cheating. Cheating is going behind your partner's back, specifically and factually by definition.

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    • During your relationship, what if he is ignoring you, but keep talking to her almost every time and started to feel attached her while he is also trying to find excuses to break up with you?

      When he breaks up with you, starting to a new relationship with that girl wouldn't be kinda emotional cheat already?

    • Nah it's just shitty. It isn't an emotional cheat until he does something romantic/sexual. So you could pass off flirting as cheating in that case, but that's still barely cheating and isn't as bad as a lot of other ones. (Not that it doesn't hurt like a bitch but still).

  • I never thought of it that way, but you have a point.

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  • Then when should the ex begin the relationship with the other person then?

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    • I am just against emotional cheat, nothing wrong about jumping into another relationship directly, but while u had a relationship, imagine he was lying to u as being busy and talking to that girl, then he started relaitonship after he just broke up with u?

    • I think the problem is the other person shouldn’t exist. You shouldn’t be entertaining someone else while you’re in a relationship. If you find yourself even looking in that direction you should break off your relationship and then hopefully if anything comes of your feelings some time will have past giving at least some respect to the relationship you departed.

  • Yes, if you are with someone, you should b totally invested in them, during good and bad times.

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  • Starting a new relationship immediately after a break up is not cheating. However the breakup happened and for whatever the length of time, once there is a break up, both individuals are free to date anyone else they like. It's not really wise to without some healing time and will probably cause issues in the new relationship but as far as relationship rules go, its a legal move. That said, if there was a relationship going on with the new person prior to the break up, that is cheating. But at this point its really a mute point because you are now broken up. Having this info may make it sting more or it may make the breakup more digestible (since that person was a cheater, good riddance) but again, you are now broken up. time for you to both move on.

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    • imagine he was talking to another girl always while he was saying he didn't have time for u, saying he is busy instead u loved him a lot and in the end dating with that girl directly after he broke up with u.

      this was I am talking about

    • It’s obnoxious because you were still giving your heart and oblivivious to his bullshit. At this point it totally sucks but realize if he can do that, he’s NOT the guy you want in your life

  • Hard no for me, it's not cheating.

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    • imagine he was talking to another girl always while he was saying he didn't have time for u, saying he is busy instead u loved him a lot and in the end dating with that girl directly after he broke up with u.

      how this can't be cheating in an emotional way?

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