My ex wants to be friends. I don't. Am I overreacting?

OK so we dated and broke up a little over 3months ago. We've had NC but noww she has contacted me and seems to be testing the waters for friendship. She is dating a guy who was already in love with her. He was around when we were together and whilst I'm pretty sure nothing happened whilst we were dating he moved in pretty fast after we broke up. I just can't handle seeing them together. I realize I need to move on but just don't see how if I have them in my life. I still feel angry and hurt when pics of them flash up on FB. I feel betrayed and the idea of friendship with either of them feels repulsive. Am I overreacting or do you think this is a fair point. I'm not sure how I'm going to approach telling her we can't be friends as I don't want to make a big drama out of it anymore but I can't sit back and act like everything is fine between us.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think your feelings and thoughts are where they should be after a breakup, especially one just a few months ago. I think you need to stay true to yourself and allow time to heal your wounds and allow yourself to grow as a bigger and better person.

    I don't know the circumstances of the break up, but I do know you need to focus on yourself and your life. Although the break up is hard, time heals all wounds. Give yourself time and patience to move on, and allow your friendship with your ex to mature into something later down the road.

    Politely, let her offer of being friends down and say although I would love to be friends, I cannot right now, maybe sometime in the future. If she loves you, even as a friend, she will understand. By her moving on so quickly is clearly very hurtful and leaves undesirable feelings of not knowing how she and her new romance got together so soon.

    Give yourself time to move on. Let this be a blessing in disguise- you now become the new, 2011 handsome single man. Embrace being single and do things you otherwise didn't or would never have. Do community activities- sports, classes, etc. Maybe join a gym, or go to crazy parties or hang out with friends you haven't seen in years. Eventually, you'll find your true love too and your ex will seem like nothing more than a friend. I promise it will get better, it always does. Until then, focus on your one true love- yourself.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Oh, definitely not overreacting.

    Just say to her that you're not ready to be friends right now, but in the future you're open to the possibility.

    Remove her from your life. It's 2011, technology is advanced, you're not gonna lose her. :P Just give it however long it takes before you can see her and this guy and not feel repulsed.

    Delete phone number.

    Block on facebook.

    Do whatever you need to do so that you can't "see" her.

    Also, tell her that you're doing it. And explain why. Else she'll think you're just being a prick.

    It sounds intense, but blocking her out of your life (and her boyfriend infact) is really going to help.

    Trust me on this one.

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  • No, you are not overreacting! You have to get over the situation before you can have any means of communication or else you will get hurt in the end. If she doesn't understand this then she is no "friend" anyway.

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  • I agree with you. If all of a sudden she is all "can we be friends" then there is something going on in her life. You can talk to her and use the "what if it were you, how would you feel" to make her look at the situation from her side of the fence. You could start making excuses not to be around her and hope that she takes the hint.

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  • I honestly don't believe in "being friends with the ex" but you can keep good relationship otherwise. Just don't be rude each other.

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  • well how long were you together for ? and don't be her ffriend if you don't want to! whatt the heck no yoou aren't over reacting !

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    • a little over 5 months so not long but I fell for her. And we had been friends for 2 years so I knew her quite well. But it's not the same anymore and I think it's better to leave her in the past.

  • Yeah, your overreacting.

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  • You have to do what is best for you. The feelings you are experiencing are normal. Most people have been there and can relate. I suggest that you be a gentleman and tell her the truth. Dropping off the face of the Earth without giving any explanation is cowardly. You might not owe her a thing, but she is still a human being. There is no shame in telling her that you cannot be friends now, and you don’t even need to give her a reason why. But if you think that there is ever going to be a day when you want to salvage the friendship you need to tell her that while you are not ready for friendship now, maybe you can work on it sometime down the road, and that you will contact her if and when that time comes. Honesty and open communication is always the best policy. Good luck.

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What Guys Said 8

  • You have every right to get pissed because we cannot deny the fact the you were somewhat betrayed in this situation..the best advise I can say to you is to address the fact that your still hurting and you need time to heal and it is best you cut your communication with her for the moment..tell her this is for the best as would have done with my previous problem..she should understand that if she really wants you as a friend..it would be best removing her from FB if your annoyed with the status updates including the pictures and all..Because the way I see it she might be reserving you as her spare tire and you don't want to be that, if she is really sincere after you tel her your views she should respect that..for now get a hold of your self and focus on other thing you might find someone better but for now don't look for it just getover her first

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  • YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING! You have hit the nail on the head. She wants you in her life under her terms since she is used to you being a part of her life. She has another guy and you get the front row seat of their happiness while she is secretly laughing her ass off at you. She gets to have you without the sense of commitment or intimacy, and you get to delay yourself from moving on while becoming he "friend'. You will become one of the girls, become an emotional tampon when she has "problems", and she leave you all together eventually when she is done with you. What kind of friendship is that? The thing you have to remember is the 'friendship" ended when you were a couple. You have no obligation to her what so ever. Move on and never talk to her again.

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  • I agree with people here. Do what is right for you. If you don;t feel right to have a friendly relationship then politely decline and tell her you prefer not. It seems you need to get the whole thing out of your system and move on. Think about yourself first and let go.

    Good luck!

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  • Your not over-reacting. It would be totally normal for any guy to feel this way. Go ahead and say that you'll be friends but blow her off. That's one idea you can try. Either that or tell her how you are really torn about this but I would suggest avoiding saying that outright. It's better to lie about it and never talk about it. You never know what might happen between you two after the fact. Se might get the ex-gf syndrome where they all have to stomp on us until we explode or talk back and hurt them and it is all a "game" to them.

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  • You make a fair point. If it hurts you then stay away. Stay WELL away. Don't have any contact with them what so ever until you're healed. You should even delete them on facebook for now until you can handle it. You know her name, you can always add her again. Simply tell her it hurts to see them together, she should respect you enough to understand. And if she doesn't then she's not worth your time.

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  • i got agree with every1. you gota ask yourself when you where off where they on. if you want 2 b in her life make it so your eye 2 eye on your terms if not do what the rest say at end of day its your heart and mind vs your feelings only you can deside who wins

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  • YES

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  • no your not , good idea

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