Am I right to break up with her?

Cold heart
Cold heart


We have been friends for five years, and we have been living together at her place for two years. I work regular hours and come back at eight in the evening. She works longer, sometimes into the night, and returns home tired in the evening. (We don't share our budgets, and she has a higher pay.) If I try to approach her on any sexual topic on working days she is angry with it. On weekdays she is going to a fitness centre and to a spa centre. On these days she says she wants to relax, and she doesn't want me to touch her other than cuddle. When we go out we look like a happy couple. Sometimes we go abroad together. For example, a couple of months ago we went abroad, it was a present from me. She wouldn't let me touch her then either. Three to four times a year she actually gets ready to have sex, and we do it. I feel that she is not attracted to me, but I need sex, and I want to beeak up with her. However she says I am not right if I do this, and she doesn't want me to go. What would you do?
  • Yes, you are right
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  • No, change yourself
    Vote B
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Sometimes when I ask her why she denies me, she will say she thinks I must have married her, and we must have made children. Then I answer, children aren't made without sex. To which she answers, 'you don't treat me seriously enough.' How should I treat her if even sex between us is such a problem? It's much simpler than bringing up children together.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Something is wrong. She has a mental hangup of some sort. Sex once a quarter is very strange.

    She is VERY selfish. She isn't telling you something. Meds, abuse... something.

    So she wants you to stay but she doesn't want you to get sex from her.

    Tell her you want to ask around... like you are doing on this site... and ask her if she thinks what she is doing is anywhere close to fair in other people's eyes.

    If she wants to keep you she needs to consider your needs... not just her own.

    If she doesn't show some sort of consideration... DROP HER ASS!!!

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    • We've talked way too many times about this. To be honest, she would joke about my body which is not like a bodybuilder's indeed, and show she isn't attracted. Why not let me go then?

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What Girls Said 14

  • Well some people just don't like sex, even if it's with their loved ones. So ask yourself if you can live like this and still be happy, if yes then stay with her, there is way more than just sex and physical contact, but if you can't and you feel like you'll be miserable then break up with her.

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    • One day I made a great mistake and asked her, 'How did your ex approach you with sex? I heard your relationship was rather hot.' Which I really heard. She answered, 'He was an asshole and did to me whatever he wanted in bed.' Now I feel like I am a complete loser. If I were an asshole, as she puts it, she would have sez with me. Is that fair?

    • You're like that movie "Saving Silverman."

    • Just be yourself man, if your girlfriend doesn't give you sex for the sole fact that you aren't an asshole then leave her, be with someone that can give you that just cause she likes the way you are and not because you are pretending to be an asshole. Good luck !

  • Sounds like she's a selfish b**** who wants everything her own way.
    It's definitely time you move on and make yourself happy.
    Good Luck.

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    • Thanks. I feel sorry though. When I tried to break up she cried and said she put so much effort in this relationship and loved me... I wasn't strong enough to move on.

    • What effort exactly does she think she's put in?
      I can't see anything at all other than a case of me, me, me, me & me.

    • Well, she's intelligent and all, nice as a person. Though not a very good girlfriend I'm afraid...

  • That sounds really off. Most women who do not want sex just are standoff-ish. She sounds almost like something is wrong with her and that's why she doesn't want you touching her. I'd try asking her if something happened and discuss it with her, but if she continues to be this way with no reason, then this is a good reason to break up with her.

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  • That is a very valid reason to break up with someone.

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  • She’s probably stressed.

    Try to have a talk with her. Maybe she doesn’t like the way y'all do it anymore, want’s it differentx

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  • Can't imagine being in a relationship without any sex. I'd definitely break up with the person.

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  • If your not compatible then your not compatable, simple as that

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  • Break up with her already. Something is seriously wrong with her. Don’t let her ruin your life.

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  • Don't waste your time and energy.

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  • Dumppp her.

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What Guys Said 25

  • "Talked on many occasions. Now if I say 'we need to talk' she would react like 'is it you again whining there? I'm not in the mood to talk about your problems.'

    "Thanks. I feel sorry though. When I tried to break up she cried and said she put so much effort in this relationship and loved me... I wasn't strong enough to move on."

    "An emotional support animal, quite close to what is happening here. I told her I feel like her cousin. She rejected this and said, 'No, you're my boyfriend.' // 'If not then why are we going sexless?' // 'You know better, it's you who is wrong.'

    "We've talked way too many times about this. To be honest, she would joke about my body which is not like a bodybuilder's indeed, and show she isn't attracted. Why not let me go then?"

    She is a manipulative control freak gaslighter. And while you might doubt she is cheating, her behavior certainly indicates she is, or at least would have little problem with doing so.

    Not only does she deserve to be dumped, she deserves to have her behavior exposed so that she can be made to feel the full shame of what she is doing. If you can legally record your conversations with her without her consent, then do so and play them back so that she and, hopefully, any shared friends you have of good moral character know exactly what she's been doing. That might be your best chance of getting her to stop her behavior, whether for you or the next person she gets into a relationship with. Figure out a way to expose her, even if you might feel shamed or might fear some piss for brains guy calling your a wimp for not being able to "control your women" as some guys are won't to do.

    PS. She doesn't love you, and probably never did. Hell, I'd be surprised if she loves anyone, including herself.

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    • Thank you. You have explained some things indeed. I wanted to find out where and with whom she spends some of the time but unfortunately there are no legal ways that I know of. Perhaps it's time to ponder on this. After all, our common friends will probably call me an asshole if I leave without a word. Not to say anything about her relatives whom I know well.

  • >However she says I am not right if I do this, and she doesn't want me to go. What would you do?

    Leave. You're something between a roommate and an emotional support animal, but you're not a boyfriend. She has no interest in meeting your needs. Since relationships are voluntary, you can and should leave. Life is too short for bad sex.

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    • The worst part is she is lying to his face about the reason she is refusing him, not the way to treat your partner.

    • @Reggieray An emotional support animal, quite close to what is happening here. I told her I feel like her cousin. She rejected this and said, 'No, you're my boyfriend.' // 'If not then why are we going sexless?' // 'You know better, it's you who is wrong.'
      @Volleyball_N_Surf Could you please explain the thing about lying?

  • I think that you should approach her in a rational way and don't allow her to shame you because of your sexual needs. If she doesn't step up, then leave. You're still in your 20s man. You can find a girl who's down as fuck for you and I can promise you that it's much more fun to be with a girl like that. Don't settle for someone who makes you feel unattractive and inadequate.

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    • I haven't been in another longtime relationship, and it seems so hard to me to find someone else. But I understand this should be right.

  • Since she only agrees to have sex on her terms, (I'm assuming you don't date outside the pair of you), and that's not enough, then yes, you should move out.

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    • Yes, only on her terms. No, I don't cheat. Don't really believe she does either. We are sort of public, both of us, and don't engage in things considered indecent. Which I now find only a nuisance though.

  • i'm pretty sure she is doing a lot of thing and is exhausted most of time.
    It seems it's not really a pleasure to have sex with you but it doesn't really come from you but from his lifestyle
    i guess that if you try more to take care of her she will feel better and mybe want more sex
    "harassing" will clearly not help there.

    If you can't do more effort (which i can understand, then you should tell her what's your though and problem... but if it's not possible, you should (sadly) break

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  • Sounds like she is sexually represessed. I don't think you can change her to be honest, it will just come across as pushy.

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    • She comes from a strong background, has not been abused, isn't ugly, and said her health is alright. I don't understand this repression thing.

  • You're an entitled asshole, frankly. She deserves better. A good guy would be ok with it, instead of essentially threatening to leave unless you get enough sex from her. If she doesn't want it, respect it and get over it.
    Break up, that way she can get with someone worthy of her attention.

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    • Lmfao white knight much? Holy shit it's like men can't complain about anything. He has needs that aren't being met. She's making him feel inadequate and unattractive on a consistent basis and doesn't seem to bother putting an effort. It's not all about the act of sex itself. It doesn't feel good to get rejected by your SO on a consistent basis. It's actually pretty demeaning.

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    • His needs aren't being satisfied and he constantly feels rejected. He's not a brat for leaving.

    • @TonyBologna25 Amen brotha!!!

      This idea that sex isn't a need because you won't die without it is sooooo ridiculous.

      Most people in a relationship need sex, affection, communication, space, validation, consideration, appreciation. They don't need it to survive, but they still need it. And they are 'entitled' to expect it.

      And no one would blame them if they expected it, didn't get it, and left their ass.

      I don't know a single girl who would have stayed with me if I only gave them the D four times a year. And most people would agree they are allowed to "expect more."

      And what person can know how much sex more than 4 times a year really means to someone and not care. My guess is she does't even want to do it 4 times. And it is really messed up if she is hiding the real reason.

  • If your not happy, then find something else. Life is too short to keep being unhappy.

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    • Looks like this is true.

  • have you addressed the reasons for lack of physical intimacy? have you expressed a stated need for more physical intimacy and unhappiness without it?

    if yes to both of those questions... yes i would think it may be necessary to break up

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  • You are trapped bro into a complicated zone. Good luck with that. If you exit this relationship I doubt you would find someone new faster and if you stay , you are already having blue balls.

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