I'm dating a sociopath - should I message his ex and get her story?

I recently discovered that the guy i've been in love with for six years is a sociopath. He lies IMPULSIVELY about everything in the world, is an addict, manipulative - he has truly done some sickening, immoral things. He blamed it on his addiction for a while, but I've come to realize this is who he is. He dated a girl for about a year when we were on a break and (obviously lied), telling me she was awful and their relationship sucked. But knowing his sociopathic self, this is BS and this girl looks totally normal.

I was thinking of messaging her, telling her who I am and that he lied about how their relationship was - just see see if he abuses everyone he is with or other terrible shit he's done, because I'm honestly losing my mind and need to know the real truth. Would this be totally out of line? She seems totally normal (not terrible like he made her out to be), has a new serious boyfriend, etc etc - I don't want to disrupt her life but It would be interesting to see how he acted with other girls and hear the real truth of that situation. SHould I do it?

I'd approach her in a calm way and just tell her what I've been through and ask her if she went through something similar. Would this be too much?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is a easy test to see if some one is a sociopath or a pschycopath

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    • I think psychopath would be a bit harsh - he's not totally insane. He acts completely normal and sweet 90% of the time until some stupid useless lie comes up - he doesn't even have to lie, he just DOES.

    • Legally psychopath arnt insane that's why serial killers get executed but your probably right only 1% of the world's problems are psychopath well 4-5% are sosiopaths

Most Helpful Girl

  • I would do it. I had. A woman contact me when she saw her husband had been looking at my profile and other women and had messaged other women. I'd never seen him. He had not contacted me. But I was happy to talk to her about it. I felt for her and gave her the best advice I could. As far as your relationship, I hope you get out. It's hard but you will go on to love again. I dated one 2 years and he's just a distant memory now. I'm happily married. He's in prison lol. He was abusive and finally got time for it.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I would. If you're serious about this guy, and want to know what might be coming, ask her about him. The worst thing that'll happen is she'll contact him and let him know you've been asking questions.
    Sociopaths aren't all bad. They do care about people. They just live by a different moral compass from the norm.

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  • a. I'd think its ok to reach out in a supportive way of confirmation you experienced and see how she responds. Giving is much easier than trying to get something...
    b. Your senses already tell you the story, so there isn't much to validate right? What you need to focus on is you growth, why you were attracted and so in love, how you need to heal, learn about yourself, your needs and figure out how to be attracted to someone better. that's gonna be hard work... my experience is... repeat the mistake until you learn, heal your inner self and grow emotionally.

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  • You should really consider just leaving this guy. Sounds like you already know you should

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  • Getting someone else's thoughts on what to do when they were in your situation is a good idea in my opinion

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  • Why bother? What more do you need to prove what you already know? Break up with him and move on to better things.

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  • No you should just walk away if he's that bad.

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  • Sure why not

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  • Yes i would and dump his ass

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  • no just get out of there

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sure why not. if it gives u peace of mind then go ahead.

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