How do you know when a guy is trying to get you back?

I could bore you with all the details, but long story short, I knew the guy for about a year, started dating him in the summer, and then I had to move away to go to college. He dumped me because he hated the distance.

But now I get these texts from him where he tells me that he "wants to spend time with me while I'm in town," and how he "misses my company" and "looks forward to seeing me" and that he has "something good to tell me." But whenever I try to see him, he's never available. Yet, he still acts like he did before we started dating... in other words, when he was still courting me. His friends also try and get us two together because whatever he has to say seems important.

But anyways, I guess it all boils down to this... out of all the mixed messages, how would you know if a guy is trying to get back together with you and what would be the reasons to delay it?


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He is not trying to get back together with you. He is trying to screw with your head. Or to sleep with you. Or be platonic friends with you, but not very committed platonic friends. Anyway dumping someone over distance is mostly just an excuse. If you truly care about someone, you can be apart for a while. The reason "to delay it" would be that he sounds like a stupid, gutless shmuck who can't make up his mind. Dating ex-es is a bad idea unless they were spectacular. If you were the one who was dumped, that can leave a little voice in your head that says "he is better than me, that's why he dumped me, so I should try to get him back." Don't listen to that voice. That voice is a lying bastard. There are plenty of great guys out there that won't dump you just because you're not physically near enough to have sex with them right at that second, and then later try to reel you back in when you're around. You say there are more details, but since you haven't elaborated, this is my best guess.

    • Well... yeah. there are more details. Our relationship was extremely serious. He and I both founded our entire relationship on complete honesty and the fact that we both hate casual dating. When we started dating, he told me that he was looking for something more serious. While he does have a sex drive, it's not as important to him as it is to most guys. He told me that usually if he just wants sex, he'll take it and leave and he won't put in any effort to have any sort of relationship.

    • Well, if you are sure about that, then perhaps what he needs is more encouragement. And there is nothing wrong with encouraging him or simply tracking him down. Heck with whether he is "trying to get you back" or not (who cares!), do you want him back or not?! If you decide that you do, or that you seriously might, I recommend taking the initiative. I would not bust yourself up over it much though-- he doesn't sound like he quite has his head together, and there are other fish in the sea.

What Girls Said 1

  • If a guy wants to get back together, he will come right out and say it. If he is giving you mixed messages its possible he is thinking about it, but is conflicted... if I were you I would tell him to stop playing around and just tell you the news. And unless he confesses that he wants you back, I wouldn't get my hopes up... he might just be stringing you along.


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