No contact with ex really work?

dated this guy for 3 years I broke it off.. did a lot of damage but yet he says he still loves me just needs to get over stuff and hopefully we can be back together but he doesn't know he left 9 months ago for school so I barely see him, he has 15 more months to go he comes in about every month for a little while so I do see him... I'm just scared no contact is gonna back fire on me.

but I also don't want things to keep going like this its like we're stuck where we're at he texts me a little, never calls, and see's me rarely when he's in I know he still loves me just has a guard up please help


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Many people misinterpret the "hard to get" thing.. Allow me to explain the difference:

    Your asking if you ignoring him (being distant) is going to attract him (make him start texting more, calling, and even showing up for you).. I had a girl do this to me back in high school and it worked.. After that I caught on and now I actually laugh and become more "hard to get" for her, eventually to where I walk away because I realize she can't be real with her feelings rather than playing games. Sounds like you're gonna have to wait a while for having an opportunity to enforce it, or find a way to twist the script and get it to work now. Here's what I mean by playing hard to get.. You don't show him you're being hard to get (don't look like a slut in talking to every single guy in a sexual manor, yet never talking to him)... INSTEAD, you want to interact with him in his life -> Call, text, etc.. As well as physically being in his presence.. But then after that you stop it there, don't let him hug you or come over late at night, etc.. It's like pulling away your emotions from this man. Which yes, you don't seem to want to do that; but don't ask me to explain why it somehow magnetically attracts the other person. Always backfires, rarely produces any difference in results, and makes you seem like a needy/desperate/wanna-be who can't speak up for her true feelings..

    Being hard-to-get (interact with him but start to fall out of love with him) -> Always works, most times it'll produce awesome results, you get to work on yourself rather than waiting on him, and makes you seem classy/confident/cool/etc and that you have no problem dealing with your emotions.

    Hope that explains the concept.. Most girls who play games with me anymore either do one of two things:

    1) Shoot their value through the roof and I stop chasing because I get intimidated that I'm not worthy of their attention

    2) Shoot their value way under the table and I stop giving two sh*ts about them, I may be nice to them but I doubt I would ever get in a relationship with her once she's gone from "previously perfect for me" to "not worthy of me".. I really do hate games as you can tell.

    Best of all, if he doesn't come around -> Your method will make you more attached to him.. My method will make you less attached to him; basically: Do it your way and you'll feel more pain if it does backfire.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • This site has so many errors.. Remove this from the second paragraph (the end of it) while you read the answer:

      Always backfires, rarely produces any difference in results, and makes you seem like a needy/desperate/wanna-be who can't speak up for her true feelings..

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What Guys Said 6

  • The only time "no contact" should ever be implemented is when you've broken up and you're just trying to move on.

    What you're referred to, if I read artistbboy's answer correctly, is playing hard to get, which is totally different from no contact. The thing about playing hard to get is that it works very well on very young guys (like, high school aged guys) but with older guys it will almost ALWAYS work against you. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a crock of sh*t. All it does is make the pretty, friendly girl you talk to in class everyday seem all that much more attractive.

    That being said, I've had girls try to play hard to get with me. All it does is make me want to look for someone else ASAP.

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  • It could work, or maybe it won't. Depends on many things, most likely timing.

    If both of you still have feelings for each other, in which this whole time of 'missing her' or 'missing him' becomes too hard to bear, then it's up to one of you to initiate contact. But that action alone pretty much makes you the most vulnerable because the other may not be sharing the same feelings. It's a risk you take to see what will happen, and what the response will be.

    But that's part of life that makes us better - taking risks. If he's found someone new by now, then your best chance is to just be friends.

    I do hope things work out for you - one way or the other. Good luck and Godspeed.

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  • he could be tryng not to think about you while he's gone so he doesn't get all mushy and call you all the time.OR he might be tryng to wait till he gets out of college so he can start the relationship back on a good not and a fresh start. when you break up with someone then go long distance then get back together it sucks cus you have all these old feelings that you are finding again but you can't see the person. its causes a lot of problems when you want to fix things that went wrong but you can be see them to talk about it. even over the phone it just sucks compared to being with them. I speak from personal experience. there can be a lot of problems in that situation. also he might be bumed that you broke up with him and can't deal with it right now so he can focus on school.

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  • Be honest with how you feel. You can not continue with this cycle, ecspecially if its nothing about confusion and headaches. I think you should take some space from him. No contact, so he can figure out what he wants to do with you. This will also allow you to figure what you really want to do as well. Cause remember what you want in life, are you wanting this casual part time thing, or are you wanting something serious? If you are wanting something meaningful and serious, you are not getting it at this present time. So you really need to take some time into thinking about what you really want, because right now, you are settling for less. No disrespect to the guy, but if he says he is trying to figure things out in his life, than you guys are only confusing each other and in time if it continues, a lot of pain and heartache can occur.

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  • "I'm just scared no contact is gonna back fire on me."

    Backfire? Um...what's your plan?

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  • You dumped him why?

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What Girls Said 2

  • Give him some time it's hard you broke it off he needs time and space give it to him don't contact him for a while so he could heal and you two , you need time too if you want him back talk to him after a while to see how's he's doing because things are tense after a break up of being together for so long , so your best choice is to give him some space he still loves you so you still have a chance to get him back just don't wait to long ;) hope I helped just be strOng and positive and happy :) things will get better , hope you two get back together :) wish best of luck and wishes.

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    • thank you that helps!

  • It only works when the feelings are still there. I mean, most times, a break up is just that, a break up. And there's no going back. That happens most often even if there is no contact

    but I'm also been in situations where NC does work. I'll go on with my life and the guy will get back in touch. probably not because I'm not talking to him, but because the old feelings are there

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