I miss my ex and want her back. Should I be friends and start again?

I want her back but she is offering only friendship at the moment. Some people say once this happens this is all you'll get but I'm not so sure. I mean we were friends then lovers before so what's to stop it happening again?

I know her well, know what makes her laugh and what flicks her buttons. I can be charming but tease her and wind her up in equal measures. I know their is still chemistry their. My question is should I start from the beginning and win her over like I did before. Is this possible? I'm not kidding myself when I say the attraction is still their but I'm not so sure the trust is yet?

Should I tell her my intentions or act like friendship is all I want too. I'm inclined to say the second choice so she thinks their are no preconceptions to our 'friendship'.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The more you try and win her back, the further away you will be pushing her.

    Something some people fail to realize (and I am guilty of this) is if someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. If someone wants to be friends, they will be friends.

    Obviously I don't know the reasoning behind the break up, but by the sounds of it, she broke up with you and you still want her back. I've seen this happen so much, people trying to win their exes back by being friends, show them what they're missing etc. It doesn't work. Well, maybe it does sometimes but don't hold onto that.

    From a girl's point of view, I couldn't bare being friends with a guy I was in love with, I'd rather not speak to them at all. She clearly just wants friendship from you and/or is using you as a back up in case she decides she wants you again.

    By all means be friends with her if that's what you want, but don't try and win her back because seriously, it's not going to work. If she realizes what you're doing she will probably be annoyed that you are trying to get back with her when she made it clear she only wanted a friendship with you.

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    • We broke up mutually. Her because she didn't think I was into her and making enough effort. Me because I wasn't sure what I wanted and didn't make enough effort. Now I know what I want but don't know what she wants. She has contacted me first after 3 months NC so I'm assuming friendship is what she wants?

    • Show All
    • I think she might be but I don't know as I haven't spoken in so long. It's confusing as I figure by being friends and being more attentive I'm showing I am interested in her but by not I'm pretty much reinforcing what she said in the first place!

    • Well I'd be friends with her, just don't get your hopes up because it's a possibility that she does just want to be friends.

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What Girls Said 4

  • If you're really that into her, just remain friends and stay patient and close to her.

    Don't let her forget that you're always there for her. Be there to support her or keep her company whenever she needs it. But also, just act like you only want to be friends; otherwise, if she thinks you're trying to get back with her, she'll be a lot more cautious and might distance herself from you.

    But yeah, patience will be key here. I can't really guarantee how long it might take for her to come around or realize how important she is to you; but honestly, if you put your heart into it, I think you can really make it work, especially if you two are such good friends to begin with. Good luck!

    (Also "their" is possessive and you should be using "there".)

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  • Pretty similar situation. I got dumped. I miss him and want him back. We saw each other to clear things up, he seems like he still has feelings for me, but says he's not into having a relationship now. Said he'd call me in 2 weeks, maybe we'll see each other, and says to be friends even though he agrees that can't happen, so he has to think about it. I feel the same. We started as friends and developed into something else. I've asked him to give me another try, minus the drama. I would call, text, be pushy. He would ignore, hang up. From advice and experience, like these people are saying: don't do this. As hard as it is, I'm thinking of other things in my life or trying to. Focus on yourself and what you like. Friends, family. In time, he(she) might come around, how, as what I don't know. Oh yeah, he says he doesn't trust me. He says he believes I want to be stable and happy without drama, but he doesn't trust me as I've said this before. I've told him how would he know if he doesn't try. Ask about her, her life, support her, as much as she'll let you. If the relationship comes up, be sincere in saying you'll show more effort or whatever because you know what its likes to lose her and you can't stand that. Hope things will work out well!

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  • :Same situation as mine, this is based on my experienced: well girls want to be friends because they can't denied they still love you but then they choose only to be friends because its really mean if she don't talk to you or whatever,friends only because she was hurt too much... but whos the one who did the broke up? always remember "When a woman loves,she loves for real" I hope I help...

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  • Why did you break up?

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What Guys Said 2

  • it doesn't matter if you were best friends before and if there is a lot of attraction. You tell her you'll be friends. You pretend to be totally cool. But you don't actually stay friends with her. limit your contact. never initiate. sometimes don't reply at all. sometimes reply the next day or later in the day. Sadly the best way to get her back is to "forget about her and walk on". When you don't care, the chick will want you back. 3 months is alot, you should have started asap. Better late than never. You have to get a new chick no matter waht. Once you have a new chick and your ex thinks that's your girlfriend, then you can start hanging with your ex and be freinds and try to get her back. Till then if you remain friends, you will have a front row seat to your ex hooking up with some other dude and you'll be miserable and walk around pissed off.

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    • well it's been 3 months of NC and she was the one getting back in touch with me saying lets be friends?

  • Time is your best weapon my friend. Be her friend ONLY if you can emotionally handle it. What I mean is that, there will be a time where she will date someone new or even get a new boyfriend and tell you all about it. Are you prepared to handle that when in truth you are trying to get her back? If you know in your heart that you can not handle that, then I suggest you don't try to be her friend when you want her back.

    You have to be real with yourself. Being a friend to an ex when hiding the truth that you want her back is a form of stealth that will only get your feelings hurt. I would back off more and even more back to NC, except to wish her well here and there. You need to WAIT FOR HER. That is, if she wants you back, she will make it clear with her actions. Starting to call you again, email you again. Women will make it obvious when they want you back. Plus, if she discovers your true intent, YOU'RE SCREWED, because she will conclude that you only cared about yourself in the first place. If you are going to remain in her life wanting her back, you need to back off a little bit and let time handle things and set up the situation for when you can be truly honest and open with her about how you feel and that will increase your chances of getting her back.

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