I cheated, she left me, but asked not to leave her life forever?!?!

Hi,

Basically we dated for 2 years on and off and she was madly in love with me, I never really fully committed to her and cheated on her twice with my ex (before her) girlfriend. she was devastated but still tried to make it work and trust me until 2months ago where she said she can't do it anymore, as I never really did much to build trust I would just argue when she questioned me.

I have had plenty of relationships but after losing her I have realized how much I really love her, & I know I don't deserve her but I know I can treat her right if she gave me that chance.

She has been very clear she can't be with me, the bad memories really hurt her & don't go out her mind, but doesn't want to lose me out her life & wants to be friends!?

Anyway she has my fb passwords and goes on it everyday to see what I'm up to who I speak to etc but contacts me every other day with random chit chat. Didn't speak to her for 4days (longest since breakup) and she rang me yday as I changed my passwords and I just said what's the point how can I forget you when you have it I get false hope thinking if you want to know my business you might want me back and that I can't remain friends until I'm truly over u. she texted me that she cried all yday night and day as she missed me but doesn't think she can trust anyone and is scared to date anyone and get hurt again and she wants me to be happy..

I replied saying I want you to be happy what can I do? she said "forget me, but not the good times we had, if we are meant to talk & be friends later in life it will happen, leave it to god"

I really want her back so I have tried to be friends let her know I can be loyal (give my passwords etc) but nothing has changed, should I stay friends and hope she eventually changes her mind or walk away? even if I walk away I know I will constantly hope she contacts me..

Please help I feel remorse for how I hurt her and love her so much.

I stopped smoking pot after 7 years which is really depressing me too, I did that after we broke up as I realized it contributed to my actions and depressed me more but now I feel worse!

Updates:
All I replied to her text was 'ok'. Not spoke since which was yesterday.

She cried and missed me! Given me false hope again & I feel like asking her to meet me, should i?
oh 1 thing I forgot to mention, I know its silly considering my situation but I got her name tattooed on my chest last week :(

I don't know if I should tell her or not!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • wow, you got her name tattooed on your chest? You should tell her!

    that's funny.

    anyways, well tell her how sorry you are and how much you are willing to change for her and do anything to make her happy the second time around. buy her flowers and have them sent to her every single week.

    do this for about a month and keep calling and texting every day so that she won't stop thinking of you and realize you are persistent and won't give up!

    if she, after a month, tells you cut the crap out then it's really up to you to continue or just leave her alone like she requested.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I'm in the same situation as your ex. Honestly, if we're treated like garbage, and find other guys who don't, it's truly hard to go back to that guy and start fresh, regardless hof how much you changed and are trying to show us. My ex did this but I will never trust him no matter what. So just realize it's over and move on. I know it's hard, but we had to do that. It's not fair to either of you.

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  • I can see why she decided to move on, you can love someone but that doesn't mean they're good for you. I think you're lucky she even still speaks to you as much as she has been. I don't think you should tell her about the tattoo, because she might see it as you trying to force her to be with you. A tattoo doesn't = I love you. She needs to decide if she wants to come back to you by herself and not with you constantly trying to get her attention, cause I think it will drive her further away. Besides don't they say absence makes the heart grow fonder?

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  • Sounds like she likes you a little too much, do her a favor, & stay away from her. You don't want her coming back to you, she needs to learn to date guys who don't cheat & really love her.

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  • Um no. Do not tell her... that will freak her out! What were you thinking?

    On the other hand... seriously, grow up. If you REALLY loved her then you never would have cheated on her repeatedly. She was just your blanket there to keep you warm when convenient for you and you took advantage. You admit she doesn't deserve you... learn your lesson and MOVE ON.

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    • hi thanks for your reply, I have really been thinking hard and maybe to a certain extent you are right I am scared to be alone.. But then I could be with someone else if I wanted but I dont!

      I am leaving her alone now as on Saturday we met in town and she told me to forget her again! But she still rang me yesterday wen I was sleeping and texted me to say hi today, I think if I really love her I would just ignore her so she moves on properly too? But its so hard to do that!

  • omg your an idiot! well anyways it would probably take a long time to build that trust since you broke it so many times.. but I think it's best if you just stay friends for now and show her that you care and miss her.. if you really do love her, u'd wait a long time to build that trust for her.. but if you don't love her that much, then you might as well move on.

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    • hey thank you, I know I'm a fool. I really fell I could wait a very long time but the only thing that scared me if she talks to me and then moves on with someone else, it would break me.. but then I think for all I put her through I deserve it either way.. you say build trust but how? give her my passwords, just keep in touch with general chit chat? or tell her I miss her now and again?

      Thank youuu

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    • She won't meet me! we live in the same town but she studies away from home, not far only 25min drive, I wish I could meet her that many times! I try not to ask as when I have she says yes then come the time makes up an excuse so I haven't asked her to meet me for nearly a month now. Even after our last text convo I don't know how to start the conversation again, just message her sayin hi how are you? Also should I tell her about my tattoo? thank u:)

    • well yeah I think it's best if she knew about your tat. I don't know if she would care or not. but I would want to know if you did (even though I wouldn't care too much) . anyways don't txt.. yeah txting is easier cos you get to think of what to say.. but it doesn't seem too personal. call her and ask how she's doing.. or what's she's been up to. tell her about what u've been upto. just say anything.. I'm sorry but I'm really not the best person to get advice to.. but that's the best I can do..

What Guys Said 2

  • Honestly I don't know this is a tricky situation, one part of me says leave her be and the other part says if you love her like you say you do fight for her. I think you've realized the hurt you've caused her and given time you can rebuild that trust if you can forgive yourself. You don't sound like a bad guy you just like one who made a stupid mistake. I believe everything happens for a reason and maybe in this case all the events leading up to this was to make you realize that she isn't just another girl but someone more special. I think the fact that she still has deep feelings for you and loves you so much makes her make inconsistent decisions that are bad for her. You've all ready given her your apology told her how much you wish you could undo what has been done. You have to leave her alone now let her heal and once she has a clear mind not motivated by over whelming emotions she can than decide whether or not she wants to learn to trust you again. Being friends now is not a good idea it's to soon and to awkward, right now she doesn't know what she wants and maybe the only reason she is sticking around is because she is scared she won't find someone else and sadly that's the main reason many women stay in unhappy relationships especially after you cheated on her, her confidence is shot and she feels worthless and not good enough. If you really love her you will do anything and everything it takes to make her feel special and number one again. Other than that I don't think you deserve her but what do I know.

    Good luck

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    • hi thanks for your reply, you and everyone else are right I don't deserve her but I know I can treat her how she deserves now - I smoked weed for the last 10yrs and it really affected me and I have stopped since she left me and have done a lot of soul searching and I trully feel I could treat her right, but I guess the damage is done I wonder if the tables turned would I want her back even tho I love her? Probably not, so I will leave her alone..

  • I was in this situation before.. push it to friends.. build trust then date later..

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    • Thanks, I know it will be hard but how do I build the trust other than just not dating any other girl?

      Should I text and contact her like when we were together like first thing in the morning and night or just text her once in a while asking how her days been etc?

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