Should I let it go or talk it out?

i know guys hate 'can we talk?' but I made it a resolution to be honest with people because unfinished business is taking over my life. here's the situation:

guy I like + I were good friends, spoke almost every day. he likes me back (constantly staring, chasing after me if I don't speak to him, jealous when other guys talk to me, blushing if I touch him or compliment him, has a hard time keeping eye contact if we talk about sex or relationships or when I went on this date one time, he completely shut down during the convo and it was so obvious).

two problems: he has a girlfriend and he comes from a town where interracial is not approved (i'm black, he's white). I know this scares him because we had a discussion about interracial dating and he was very honest about wanting to date interracially but knowing it wouldn't be approved and it was difficult because he saw how people stared at us whenever we hung out, whether it was supportive or negative. + he's super shy.

at any rate, we are in this awkward 'i like you tension' and spent the whole semester wordlessly suffering with arm brushing, lingering stares, lots of flirting, and etc... It drove me crazy being friends with him despite the fact that I really like this kid and want to have him around, even if we're not dating... I just need to let him know how I feel directly because I'm almost certain he's not sure I like him back (at least not romantically) since he's so down on himself and during the whole interracial dating convo he was looking everywhere but me and kept trying to figure out if black girls liked white guys and how he could approach a black girl, etc. it was kinda cute :) lol

so yeah, the big question is: should I tell him how I feel if things remain the same way when we see each other again (we're on winter break and he's out of state)? or should I just keep it buried inside?


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  • Ok, you've said this guy has a girlfriend... Are you that selfish that you don't care about this girls feelings at all and just view it as a 'problem' to get to this guy? It's horrible to mess with people with relationships, don't tell him whilst they're together. Good things come to those who wait. If they end up breaking up THEN tell him how you feel. Otherwise the answer you're going to get is most likely... sorry I have a girlfriend and if the answer was anything other than that... if stuff happened between you guys whether they were still together or he broke up with her to be with you then you should be constantly wonder if he'll do the same thing to you one day. Chances are he will.

    As for the other issue, I have no idea where you come from, from my part of the world it's not a problem and interacial relationships are accepted, it's time the rest of the world caught up, and it only will if people don't let other peoples prejudice intimadate them however only when the guy is free to have a relationship with you.

    • i didn't mean to sound like I didn't care about the girlfriend - I've met her and she's really sweet. that's a HUGE reason why I was debating this so badly. I don't want to snatch away another girl's shot. he's an amazing guy and she has him fair and square. you're right tho, I should wait. I guess I just feel like I'm sorta suffocating right now holding this in. we'll see each other less next semester because we both have a lot on our plates, so maybe that'll help. thanks :)

    • Ok I'm glad you do! But I have been in your situation before so I do know how hard the waiting is...however don't literally sit around and wait, you may want anyone else at the moment but keep an open mind and get out a lot and I'm sure you'll find someone you're at least attracted to if not as good as this guy :) I agree with you, seeing him less will help as it'll put some distance between you two and less 'moments' will occur where you'll want to tell him how you feel. Hope this helps hun :)

    • it definitely does help and I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I do have a guy who likes me much and we're friends, so he's nice to have around. he's very sweet to me and smart, so I'm trying to be a little more open to that (especially sense he's actually single) so we'll see. thanks for the advice. much appreciated :)

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