My boyfriend's ex is still trying to contact him

They have been together for 8 years. Out of these 8 years they were married for 2 years, and from what he says they married only for the purpose of bringing her son from Colombia to US. He wouldn't take her back because a week after they broke up, she slept with some other guy. We met 4 months after their divorce. She showed up unexpectedly at his house when he wasn't there, just me, 1 month into us dating. She was asking him for money and for help with immigration paperwork. From what I know she tried to contact him on Facebook and also texted him a few times. He sais that he loves me, that I'm the greatest woman he had ever met. We have a wonderful relationship, with trust and respect. But it bugs me that she wouldn't stop texting him. Last night she texted him saying thanks for the e-mail and the pictures (he went to see his family he hasn't seen for a while, and I was the one who insisted on seeing them ASAP. Now she's trying to be all involved and happy for him. What should I do? Is that a way of trying to get him back? I don't want to be that crazy posessive girlfriend, I like to keep it as civilized as possible. My fear is that although he is happy with me, that he kind of regrets that that long-term relationship didn't work out. That he still thinks about her. That he doesn't love me the way he loved her. After their divorce he asked her "what kept us together for 8 years?" and she said "you"..i'm a strong adept of the idea that one wing doesn't fly. So what should I do to make him understand that it's disturbing me, and that I want it to stop. Right now we are going on 10 months together.

We celebrated our 1st anniversary on May 7th. And they still text each other from time to time, her being the initiator, though he is trying not to make it obvious, since it upsets me. I shouldn't have said anything, because now it's worse that he is trying to keep it from me. I realized that there is still unsolved business (he is giving her the title to her car, that he paid for), but I don't have a problem with that, she deserves something after 8 years of being together. And I respect that.
But if it persists in the next couple months, I will put my foot down.


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  • She does sound super stalkerish, and I agree it does sound inappropriate on her part. I think really the only thing you can do is talk to him about it and see how he reacts: if he changes great, if not, there's not much you can do. I don't necessarily think you can change his actions, but you can either learn to accept things or move on. If he doesn't change, and you want to stay, you'll just have to trust that he won't do anything to hurt you. He seems to be pretty open about the situation; I think if he was cheating, he'd definitely try to hide it from you.

    • Last time she sent him a message on facebook I found out only a week later, and only after I mentioned something about my ex. Maybe he didn't feel comfortable telling me that right away. Maybe he was scared that I would take it the wrong way. He is not a cheater, that's for sure. But I want to find the best way to explain, so that he understands where I'm coming from. Another thing. I'm just thinking - we all have ex-s and usually they all stop calling and texting once you stop leading them on..

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