He keeps breaking up with me and then comes crawling back - what is he doing?

Dated my ex for 3 years and he broke it off a year ago. This fall he started sending me emails saying how he missed things about us all summer but left me alone since I was taken. We start dating again since I was single and needy. 2 months later he breaks it off with me again ans starts dating this other girl he was seeing in the summer. Then 2 weeks later he emails me begging me to call him. I finally do and he doesn't really say anyting.

Is he just crawling back to me every time some other relationship doesn't work out? Or do you think he keeps realizing he loves me but since I turn him down (he's hurt me so much) he runs away again? What creates this yo-yo reactions and how do I get it to stop? So hurt, please help!

And I would love to know how someone who cares that much about you can hurt you that much when you do nothing wrong? Yes, I didn't agree to getting back together with him, but can this rejection turn into such hurtful behavior towards the one you love?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in a relationship like this and you are right. It hurts! You can't keep dealing with HIS issues. they are HIS issues---and they are YOURS too as long as you are willing to participate. It sounds like he has commitment phobia. When a guy has this sort of thing, he LOVES you when you are gone but doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of handling a serious commitment and relationship in the present. There is NO future with someone like this. He may love you of course but the key is he loves you to the best of his ability. Not everyone can love in a healthy way.

    this situation tore me apart and it lasted 5 years...I would say, get out of it for good...

    • Thank you for saying this, it helps hearing it. You're right, it is his issue since I really have done nothing but support him and treat him kindly, despite the rollercoaster he put me through. Unfortunately, I know how to love someone and it hurts me way more. For the first year of our relationship he always would comment on how he couldn't believe that he fell in love with me, like he was terrified. He must have commitement issues and keeps things surface deep.

    • I didn't even mention the cheating (twice that I know of). The problem with commitment phobes is that the "grass is always greener" somewhere else. When they are with you they want someone else. When they are with someone else, they think of you. A never ending circle of confuion, anxiety, and pain. It's what I call a HURRICANE relationship and you are caught in the middle of it. Get out of the hurricane's path and you will be ok:)

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  • I have to say. This Was my marriage for 7 years. when we were happy and not fighting he would love me and stay. But when times got tough and we started arguing he would leave for greener pastures on a couple of occasions he would keep his girlfriend on the side till he knew we were happy. The sad truth is your guy may Like you. But does not love you. No matter how hard you try it will not work your a back up for when things in his life do not work out he knows with you he always has someone and is never going to be alone. what you have to ask your self is can you live like that? or do you want/ need/ deserve better than what he is giving you. can you live with and truly love him when your a back up? I think anyone deserves better than that and there are way more fish in the sea. don't let him come back and you will see he no longer wants you around. concentrate on your needs and goals in life.

    • I wasn't always around for him and I've turned him down so I'm not sure if he thinks I'll always be around. But I can say he thinks it's a game and likes the chase since he might be a player. I know he truly loved me, but he just doesn't know how to love since he was raised very oddly. He can't deal with anyone critizing him when he does something wrong so I think that's when he runs. I do deserve better and have found it, it just hurts he does this to me.

  • He's coming back to you when there's no one else. He leaves you when there is. Do I have to spell it out for you?

    • Could be, it's a bit more complicated than that, but either way he's a jerk!

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