Should I Forgive or move on?

i've been with my girlfriend for 10 yrs,live together for the past 2 recently I snooped in her emails and found she was talking to another guy she meet on the phone. this guy is married and has a kid. the emails, some dirty some just seeing how the others day is going,and a break up one in which she dedicated the song "the promise" by tracy chapman to him and said she loved him and was glad to have met him just about made me vomit. this has been going on from feb to nov.

so I asked her about it and she lied at first,but came clean(I hope) and said they had phone sex ,and she met him 3 times on his lunch break.she kissed him once. she swears she never had sex.

so that's the story. she seems sorry for the whole thing and wishes she could take it all back. she said she wants to be with me and that I'm the one.i love her, but can I ever trust her or should I move on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Story, I was in a marriage once in which I thought she was faithful and four days after we got married confirmed my suspicions that they'd had an affair, said the "I love you's" and all. Up until I found out, she denied and denied it, she'd only admitted to being friends, hugging, meeting for lunch, and yes the "one kiss but nothing else ever happened". Yes she was sorry. So long story short you will NEVER trust her again, and if you do you're nuts. She did this behind your back once, then lied about it even after you had the goods on her. So you already know what you should do. Move on and find someone that will be faithful to you. Trust me when I tell you this: SHE WILL DO THIS AGAIN! sorry dude but she will if she hasn't already done it before this guy but she will do it again. It's a character flaw that some women and even men have. Do yourself a solid and move on otherwise you'll find that you are wondering if she's cheating every time something different happens or she doesn't answer her phone when you call or she late or whatever it may be. Trust is broken. That said...if you stay you have lost all bitching rights to her future cheating. Good Luck

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    • wow,im sorry for what happened to you, did you divorce her? I think your right,its just hard to do.i was going to propose this year and I love her. this is such b.s. but thank you for the advice

    • Yes, and I'd truly hold off on getting married to her right now. If I'd known everything before the wedding date I surely would have NOT gone through with the marriage. You have a chance to sit back...watch things...don't look for anything right off because she'll know your sensitive to her actions but just watch. Also, don't become the jealous guy that asks questions all the time about what she's up to and all. Let her wonder why you're not doing that. Be true to you

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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't know what your personality is like, but I know for me personally, I wouldn't be able to put up with cheating

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What Guys Said 5

  • Dude, you don't deserve this, you deserve someone that will stay honest and faithful just as you have. It may be scary to leave, but you will find someone better and not regret it. You have no way of knowing how far she went and it doesn't matter, you know she can not be trusted, and is looking for something more to raise her own self esteem, feel wanted or whatever. If your still with her its only because you are afraid to leave, this is a perfect opportunity to work on yourself. Thank her for teaching you a lesson that will improve your life, and get away from her.

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    • You are absolutly right.I don't deserve this. But I'm starting to think its partly my fault, like I didn't talk to her enough or I'm not exciting enough...is it dumb to feel like this.can I make improvements and she also, and still be happy?

    • Find someone that will be happy with you how you are. Did she communicate to you that you werent talking to her enough? If she is gonna cheat every time she's not satisfied with something, your gonna live a drama ridden life man.

    • She did actually...and I thought I was doing better.we have been super happy the last couple months...and she did stop talking to him a month ago. I don't know if its because she knew she wanted me or not. But we have been through a lot. 10 years is along time with a lot of great memories. I want so bad to believe she will never do it again,but I'm probably an idiot to think that.

  • I say get rid of her, you know back in the medieval days if a woman was caught cheating , she would get her head chopped off. If you were to do that in today's time, you would go to prison, so I simply suggest get rid of her, she cheated and lied to you, she can't be trusted anymore.

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  • I had somewhat of the same story in college. obviously I wasn't with her as long as you were with your girl. Anyways...we were together and she went to a party got drunk and "made out" with another guy. I caught her via Facebook msgs. Yes I had her password and she didn't know it. Anyways long story short she claimed they just kissed. I found out they did have sex and she lied to me. I trusted her about as far as I could throw her from then on. Our relationship went downhill.

    Point of the story is. I'd be willing to bet my bottom dollar she did have sex with him. I know that's not what you want to hear, but girls will lie just as much as guys to get out of trouble. She's trying to lessen what she did by making it "just kissing." When the idea of losing you comes up because of her actions, she freaks and tells you what you want to hear.

    Advise, Run for the hills. There is someone better out there man. Hang in there.

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    • if there were a way to find out for sure if she had sex,my desicion would be easier. thank you for the advice,this site is awesome.

  • if she had kissed him then in future she definitely can have sex with him ask her straight forward that she have to choose in between you 2 who would she pick than make any further decisions

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    • she said she wants me,even if he seperates from his wife. but I just don't know if she will do it again. thank you

  • That's a really difficult situation, and I don't think I can give advice on it, but I would like to think if it were me, I'd probably give her the idea that I'd like to move on, to see how she reacts, if she just gives up willfully, and doesn't try and fight to keep you then it's probably a good idea to break it off.

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    • yes it is, and thank you that sounds like a good idea.

    • Yeah like see if she would actually care.. by being a bit deceiving.. but gotta do what you gotta do.

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