I need help moving on

My ex and I dated for about eight months, we spoke everyday. Well we recently broke up over Christmas break because he said he "didn't have time for a gf" right now. He had still been telling me that he loved me everyday but then when we brokeup he said he hadn't loved for awhile. Then why did he continue to keep saying it? I just need to prove to myself that I will be fine with out a guy. I need to be strong and sometimes I am but other times I'm not. :/

Guys- Why did he continue to say it? and why did he have to tell me he hasn't loved me in awhile just to hurt my feelings?

Girls- How do you get over a guy that you really did love and were so use to speaking to everyday?

Updates:
Thanks everyone so much :)

well he texted me today asking if I was okay.. then asked me what was wrong with me. I just don't understand why he still pretends to care..

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am dealing with the same thing. I dated my ex girlfriend for 6 months, she broke up with me on our 6 month anniversary saying she didn't love me anymore, when just the day before she was teling me she loved me with all her heart. It makes no sense and it's really confusing. I know what you're going through. This actually happened a year ago yesterday. There could be many reasons why he broke up with you other than he "didn't have time for a gf." My girlfriend contacted me six months after she broke up with me and we started talking again and she admitted that when she broke up with me she still did love me, even though she said she didn't, but she was just afraid of being hurt again so she convinced herself to leave before she was left. The best advice I can give you is accept the fact that it's over. It's been a year for me, and I still haven't. I'm very naive and I don't think rationally when it comes to my ex, I still believe she loves me and it doesn't help anything. So admit to yourself it's over, keep yourself occupied with friends, work, school, activites, books, anything. I'm really sorry you're going through this. If you ever need someone to talk to, just shoot me a message. It will get better sweetie. I promise.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • Sounds like this guy is mentally unstable. There is always time if we want to make room for it. He apparently hasn't wanted to in a while. He kept saying he loved you so you wouldn't fight or break up sooner. He kept up the charade as long as he wanted to and for selfish reasons. Some ideas for getting over him are displace all that emotion into a project or into another relationship. Time helps, but in the moments after to months following, pain and hurt are always going to be present. I have been here as well and I'm sorry he was an idiot.

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    • Yea if it was a time issue he'd start by saying I need more time for work are w/e- not I want to break up & I don't really love you. Time issues are what the person who has time sometimes leaves for. Not what the person who needs time leaves for- unless they a lia.

    • thanks guys.

  • > "didn't have time for a gf"

    Speaking as a guy with diverse interests, and a bucket of responsibilities at home and work, this is vanishingly unlikely to be how he feels. It is a mildly kind way of saying he either wants a break, or it is over.

    > He had still been telling me that he loved me everyday but then when we brokeup he said he hadn't loved for awhile.

    It's a behavior pattern he painted himself into. If he had stopped saying it earlier it might have hurt you before he decided to end it. With a "white lie" he kept options open incase it was just a phase for him, and his feelings for you grew stronger agqain.

    > I just need to prove to myself that I will be fine without a guy.

    You will. And you'll be fine with the next one when you're ready. You will be ready eventually.

    > I need to be strong and sometimes I am but other times I'm not. :/

    It is the same for most people. My wife has been dead over 2 years now, and most days I'm fine, kept busy bringing up our kids, staying busy with my job and the house, going out with friends and now dating again. But sometimes I miss her so-o-o much, evoked by little things like a photo, or something of hers around the house, or a song we shared or whatever.

    The good days come to vastly outnumber the bad ones eventually.

    > Guys- Why did he continue to say it?

    Tried to explain this above. I get the feeling from the most recent text that he is a decent person, who finds himself in the difficult position of caring about you, but having to move on.

    > and why did he have to tell me he hasn't loved me in awhile just to hurt my feelings?

    I don't think hurting you was his motivation at all. He had come to a very difficult decision (as shown by not wanting to hurt you before he was sure about his feelings), and wanted to treat you responsibly and give you a difficult message straight, so you didn't keep hanging on in a situation he wasn't going to reverse.

    > Girls- How do you get over a guy that you really did love and were so use to speaking to everyday?

    Yeah, I know I'm not a girl, but have been dumped several years into a relationship twice, and been on the other side ending it with a couple of people I respected and cared about, but couldn't stay with after a couple of years.

    The best way is to live your life, and make new friends, and get into new interests to meet more. Decide if you can cope with him making rare but concerned contact, and if it just makes it worse for you, ask him calmly to give you a clean break for a while.

    Know that you have been happier in the past, and will be again.

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  • He told you he loved you because you were giving him attention, and the more he said it, the more attention he got.

    Why he told you that? I don't know... it could be because he was secretly an asshole the whole time.

    The question you asked to the girls though... anybody can answer that. lol

    Like Imsodone101 said, time is a big factor. I lived next door to a girl from when we were both 2, to when we were both 17, and it still hurts that we broke up and don't talk anymore, because of how close we were and the fact that we basically knew each other from the very beginning... but now it doesn't hurt as much... I can live my life, date women, etc.

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  • Guys are shady. I am a guy and I don't even know why we think the way we do. Sometimes things happen. Maybe he wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. Maybe he just wasn't sure. Or maybe he wanted someone else. Could be a million reasons why. Maybe he is just a prick that doesn't care. If I knew the guy I could probably give you a better answer, but sometimes things have to end for the next one to begin.

    Sry to answer your question to the girls but at least in my opinion there is only one answer to that. And that's time. It sucks I know but time is one of the only thing that can heal those kind of wounds. That and maybe a close friend.

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  • I'll be your rebound boyfriend even though you are skinny. :)

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    • haha. thanks ;) you know my picture is of Kim Kardashian right?

    • Nah, I don't pay much attention to "celebs". I thought she would have more junk in the trunk than that. She's a bit too skinny in that pic.

    • haha. Oh Alright "rebound bf" ;)

What Girls Said 8

  • It's so difficult especially when you speak to someone every day, for them to leave your life all of a sudden feels like a shock. The best way to deal with it is not to reply to his texts, and don't initiate contact with him else you are only going to feel worse. Once you get used to not speaking to him every day, you'll start to feel a little better but you have to be strong because its SO hard at first. You'll still miss him, of course. But you won't have the same pain you're feeling now.

    My best advice for getting over someone you love is to go no contact. It's always worked for me, and although I still miss my boyfriend, probably still love him, I don't feel the same pain as I did when we first broke up. Work on yourself whether it be taking a new hobby, just spending more time with your friends, meeting new guys (don't rush into anything though) or going to the gym, whatever it is aslong as it takes your mind off him. Good luck :)

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    • thanks girl! :) I am concentrating on my school work and going to the gym A LOT

    • I agree, this same thing happened to me and I couldn't believe he was gone. I felt absolutely terrible, but I managed to let go quickly. I got involved with a new group of friends, focused on my studies, and did yoga for a little while. Soon he became a distant memory and I was much more content with my life.

  • I'm in the same situation almost my ex girlfriend said she loves me but she's dealing with a lot .:/ well just do anything to not think of him party , read books , have fun , college , study , work out anything to keep you busy , dnt call him leave I'm a long do not contact him , also he might of said tht he loved you because he didn't want to hurt you of he was a afraid of your reaction just keep going with your life honey I wish you the best xoxo stay strong have someone to talk to a friend that you can express your feelings , if you need a friend I will be more than welcome to hear you nd be there for you . :)

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  • I am so sorry to hear this... But him saying that he does not have time for a girlfriend should make you rather angry than upset! If the guy says something like this it means he does not value you as a person. Let him go, focus on your beautiful self. The best thing to do is to get on track with your life, even when it feels like you don't want to. Try something new - yoga, dancing, etc. Call your friends, go volunteer in local community. It will take your mind off him and you will also feel good about yourself. I don't know the whole situation, but even based on this phrase, it seems like it is his loss and he never cared.

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  • When you feel confused and hurt by a man, nothing anyone can say really helps at all. I found it frustrating when people tried to help me, because what they told me wasn't making me feel any better. This may not seem like advice, but one thing I was told was that it does get a little better every day, and it will. You'll be able to move on in your own time, no one can speed it up.

    Make sure you have good friends to talk to, and try not to dwell. Whatever you do, don't let him keep you in the wings or give you false hope, it only makes the pain worse.

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  • Ok so this is a thing that many girls do, trust me. You were to available. I made this mistake, most of us make this mistake. Telling you "I don't have time for a gf" was just an excuse. At least you got a clean break, the guy I made this mistake with just stopped texting me at all. Honey, you'll get over it, go out meet new guys, and chill. Read the book 'You Lost Him At Hello' its all about this kind of stuff... I read it, and it made me realize what I did wrong and what I can do to fix my dating style.

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  • ddint have time for a girlfrind is bullsh*t!

    i have had that said to me almost every time

    boys just can't handle you at your worst so don't give them your best

    you will be fine without a boy

    you get to flirt a hell of a lot more,

    you become more obvious to what they did

    you will probally see he will have himsellf a new girl

    here soon

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  • The freaks come out at night...

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  • I say to myself

    -I deserve better

    and then I move on to a new guy and start casually dating and bash the guy to my new guy... hahahahahah

    it worked for me.

    well good luck

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