Jokes, do you know any?

I have lots of lame jokes and this is one of them,

A woman walks into a jewelery store and looks at a gorgeous ring. Whilst bending over to take a closer look into the glass counter, she sighs in amazement and then farts. Embarrassed, the woman turns left and then right to see if anyone heard. Suddenly a worker comes right behind her, as to play it cool the woman points to the ring and asks what the price is.

The worker then responds, "If you farted just by seeing the size of the ring, you're going to sh... yourself when you see the price!

Haha :p What's your joke?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • hahaha...nice one... well here is a dry one I got

    a man and a woman are sitting on a plane during flight...then the plane just goes out of control. And in panic the woman turn to the man and tears off her blouse and cries "make me feel like a woman again one more time!", the man tears of his shirt and says "here, iron this."

    another one...

    3 men were waiting to get into heaven...so one guy ask another 'how did you die?' he said...well, I suspected my wife was having an affair so I rushed home and ran up four flights of stairs to our flat as the lift is buggered, bust through the door, and found my wife nakid in bed. But although I searched the flat upside down I couldn't find a man anywhere. All the time I was getting more and more frustrated and angry, so I picked up the wife's brand new fridge and threw it out the window, and that was when I got a heart attack, I died b4 the ambulance men could get to me because of some disturbance in the street below...what about you?"

    "well, says the other man, "i was walkin down the street when a fridge came whistling down and hit me on the head and killed me stone dead!"

    He turns to the 3rd man, "how about you pal?"

    "well, he says "I was minding my own business, sitting in this fridge when suddently...

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What Guys Said 10

  • Man and wife are out shopping together, the wife sees some shoes she wants but her husband says "NO WAY! they are way too expensive" Later that night in bed he lays a hand on his wifes p*ssy, she says "i don't f*cking think so mate, if you can't afford to shoe the horse then you ain't f*cking riding it!"

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  • I woke up this morning with a bald head, apparently the wife misunderstood me when I asked her to shave her tw*t

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  • A blond walks into a computer shop and says I would like to but some curtains for my computer, the salesman looks confused and says "curtains madam?" she says yes, helllooo I've got windows

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  • My mates wife left him last week, she said she was going out for a pint of milk but she never came back, I asked him how he was coping and he said "not bad I've been using the powdered stuff" lol

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    • I have one, a married couple lay next to each other in bed. The husband is reading a book and the wife is knitting. Suddenly the man reaches over to her thigh, rides up higher and starts feeling her in the erm erm..The wife gets excited and says, "oh you want some now" The husband says, "Nah, just needed to wet my finger to turn the page."

  • Had a w*nk over an ex girlfriend last nite, I know its wrong but I still have a key and she is a light sleeper. lol

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  • A girl walks into a barbers shop eating a cake, the barber says you don't want to stand there or you will get hair on your muffin, the girl says yea I know I'm gonna get big t*ts to lol sorry but it makes me laugh

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    • loll "you will get hair on your muffin" haha

  • When your mom c*ms its like hurricane Katrina she blows everyone away.

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  • A man bought his wife a car for xmas, "i don't like it " she said, "i want something that goes from 0 to 140 in 3 seconds" so he bought her a set of bathromm scales and said stand on that you fat b*stard

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  • Lol thank you, I'm always happy and never take anything seriously

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  • I have hundreds of jokes but most I can't post on here lol

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What Girls Said 3

  • a gorgeous woman walks into a Dr.s office,the Dr. was in aww and thinks to himself "i have to take advantage of this moment". so he tells her to remove all her clothes and sit on the examination table, he then proceeds to rub on her inner thigh and asks her "do you know what I'm doing?" and she replys "yea, checking for abnormalities." he then begins to feel on her breast and he says "do you know what I'm doing?" and she says, "yea, checking for cancer." he then begins to have sex with her and he says "do you know what I'm doing now?" and she says " yes, getting herpes, that's why I'm here."

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  • An airline captain was breaking in a new blond stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

    The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

    The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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    • A blond climber over a glass wall, she was curious to see what was on the other side.

  • A blond walks into a pole Ouch :)

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    • lol blond jokes are the best

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