I'm in a relationship and I'm seeing another guy. I want to break up with my boyfriend without hurting him?

We started talking via facebook, then he flew to Florida like 5 times. He spent a lot of money. He is always buying me expensive stuff the best stuff ever. But things didn't start that well... I think that I was too sad and lonely that I jumped into the first guy I saw. I moved to his state (Maryland) I have a great job here (the best job ever). I interviewed for my job before I met him and I settled to go to VA but I ended up switching to MD to be close to him. He asked me to live together and because I didn't have any money I said yes. My parents thought I betrayed them because I'm from a very traditional Hispanic Home and he is an Italian/American and here in the US you live with a guy without being married and where I'm from you get married first. So as soon as I came here the problems started... I've been wanting to break up with him since the beginning but because I don't have any family here I didn't do it.

Two years has passed and John hasn't proposed to me, he is always fighting about the money, he also call me fat. I'm not a Barbie I'm Latina and we have curves. We haven't had sex in more than 7 months.

Anyway I met this Latino guy (Jose) from my job and since I met him I feel he is the one. We have been going out for like 4 months and I don't feel bad for my boyfriend. Jose brings sparkle to my life, he knows I have a boyfriend (John), but whenever we see each other we start kissing, hugging and everything is perfect. I'm moving back to FL and he requested a transfer to go to FL - but he is hard to read I don't know what he really wants... I can't ask him because I think is not fair... I'm still in a relationship with John.

I want to brake up with John but I think he still loves me and I don't want to brake his heart. But if I stay with him is because I don't wanna hurt him, because he is always helping me financially and in my job since English is not my first language he is always spell checking my work before I turned it to my Supervisor. Sometimes I think that without his help I'm not going to be able to be good at my job and is because I don't trust in myself. So I'm giving up my happiness to make him happy and is not fair for me. I live with him and everything in here belongs to him, I haven't bought anything in here. So I just have my clothes and personal stuff... I've been looking to rent an apartment and live alone with no guys and see what this new guy (Jose) can offer. Jose is 26 years old and I'm 28 years old. I don't know what to do... I need so much help... I'm always thinking in Jose, I know is not fair for John and I don't want to tell John any of this cause I will break his heart.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wish I could write something you would like better than the following:

    1. move back home and live with parents for a time while you get a new job and life back

    2. save up for your own apartment, seek out social networks, dancing, church, family events

    3. either Jose will follow you or someone else will appreciate you enough to be your new one & only

    John cares enough for you to understand that you need to take a break from this lifestyle and renew ties/values with your family. It's too big a struggle in this city, he'll have to agree - after lending so much time/support. Promise to write.

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What Guys Said 7

  • You ALREADY deceived him and cheated on him. At least now restore your honor and be an adult and break up with him face to face and with dignity. Reasons for cheating are never justifiable but having the guts to say something face to face well that is something that allows you to live with your past karma. So just tell him and feel what you must and let him feel what he must and in the midst of it all doubt the integrity of your new boyfriend who had no problems allowing you to cheat on your boyfriend (justified or not). Maybe next time he will cheat on you without integrity also but that said good luck and be strong and truthful. :)

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  • haha, so you don't feel bad for your boyfriend because you're cheating on him yet want to break up without hurting him? You are contradictory. I'll put it better for you: you don't feel bad for your boyfriend but you want to break up with him in a nice manipulative way that he does not get angry and tell you in face that you're a bitch, who's sucking up his money and emotions like a vampire. So basically you're just trying to break up with him and still keep the image of the perfect nice angel.

    You're just a f***ing cheap slut

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  • It wasn't fair to him when you cheated on him... You should have told him how you felt from the beginning and just broke up instead.

    This is all your choice, by the way. Yes, you will break his heart if you break up with him, but if that's what you want, you should do it.

    And honestly, he needs to know that you cheated too.

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  • PSYCHO! 50$ says you pull the same sh*t on Jose as you did with John but according to you all your relationship problems will be his fault... again lol

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  • you thionk your gonna let a guy down gently... break up with him.. he will feel it... and yes, we LOVE Latinas and their curves... I say you shoulda been up front with John... shoulda broke up with him a long time ago... hope you get it right with the new guy... You will break his heart (your current bf- he is lovestarved.. he's in pain). Hope you learn from this- be honest with yourself, and be honest with your current and future guypals...

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  • There is no hurt-less way to break up. You have to consider YOUR happiness in this situation. The sooner you're out of there the better. Its not fair to John to prolong this any longer than necessary. He will survive, I promise.

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  • Do what you want it's your life. No regrets. Peace

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What Girls Said 2

  • Totally understand that...I use to want to break up with my ex..it was hard..but here's what I would do if you desperatly wanted to leave him:

    1. spark up a BIGGGGGGG arguement, giving you a better chance and reason to leave him.

    OR

    2. tell him "look honey, umm I love u, your the greatest thing that ever happen to me but I just don't feel like we match well. I feel like we don't have a connection, I wish we did because I love you but I need to connect"

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    • jeez f***ing manipulative you are, and all to preserve your image. girls like you give women a bad name

  • your first priority in your life should be your happiness.

    imagine how john would feel if he found out about jose?

    i think you should just get it over with as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

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