Tips on how to move on? How did you do it?

I was on and off with this guy for a year and he didn't treat me so great…. Sometimes he did and other times he would act like he didn’t care and would just treat me like I was just another random chick to him. Just last month we began talking and I was hoping maybe he realized that what he had was a good thing and things might change. They didn't. I was constantly texting and trying to spend time when he never even initiated any sort of contact. Yes he would text back and always say yes when I asked to hang out but I just felt like the time and effort I was investing wasn't really being appreciated. He did mention he loved me on new years but I think actions speak louder than words. So I completely cut him off. Its been almost 2 weeks. I no longer text or call or make an effort to see him. He texted me good night and I never replied. He had a huge tournament and got first place. I never texted or called to wish him good luck. Later on that day he texted me to tell me that he had won. I just texted back congrats. I feel so horrible for being so short and cold when I know he has been working for that moment his whole college career. I have always been supportive of him and everything he does. I was always positive and upbeat got along with all his friends and family even though he never made time for mine. I just miss him like crazy and I don’t know what to do. I want to text him but I know he probably won't reply I want to talk about his competition and invite him for drinks to celebrate….What do you guys think? Advice on helping me to move on?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You will start to heal when you start to expect better for yourself and see him for the turkey he is. That you are still saying statements like "I feel so horrible for being so short and cold" tells me that you are holding yourself to this high standard for your treatment of a total jerk but not getting or expecting that from him.

    Until you can truly feel deep down inside yourself that you deserve so much better than this self-centered *ss, you will feel badly about the break-up.

    It is hard when we fall for someone who treats us badly. When a guy or girl starts a relationship by sometimes treating you poorly, sometimes good, well never expect them to wake-up and see what a great thing they have. If they thought it was so great, they would have acted differently to begin with. This guy thinks you are okay. He is not treating you like a treasured loved one. The only time I have seen someone actually recognize the error of their ways is when they started off on the right foot, but got off track later. There is some hope for that situation, but not the one you are in.

    I dated a guy for some time that was very focused on himself. I cannot say he was a jerk, but he just did not treasure me and he did end up doing some hurtful things that he did recognize were hurtful. However, he also recognized that he would not be changing no matter how great he thought I was, so he broke-up with me. After 3 years of dating, including a year of living together, the pain was intense. The way I got over him was 1) cut all contact and ended a brief attempt at trying to be friends 2) truly and completely embraced how I was selling myself short by thinking I could not have a wonderful man who adored me in my life and 3) lost all interest in him because I saw him as completely sub-standard and not worthy of all the love and care I had bestowed on him. After 2 years I have finally found the man who treasures me with all his heart and that I feel the same about.

    You can have great love. You can have a partner who will treat you as well as you treat him. Don't you deserve that? Expect it and you will have it.

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    • Reading your comment/advice made me cry. Looking back I can see the bad treatment from the very 1st date. He was plain rude and disrespectful. I was just to chicken and couldn't believe that I could get treated like that since I was so nice. Thanks for the advice and I'm sure your brkup was more intense than mine and if you could do it so can i! :*)))

    • It's good you cried because that means you are really connecting to what I am saying. It's a real shame when we are not our best protectors and guardians and allow someone in our life to treat us poorly. It can be a shocker that people will treat us poorly, but they will if we let them into our lives on their terms. I have no doubt your breakup is very painful too but you can get through it and, for me, it helped when I got to the stage of being angry at him and then moved on to forgiveness.

    • I know how hard it is to experience this and how we go back and forth, between feeling despair and then wanting the person back. Cut the contact completely until you have truly grieved the loss you are experiencing. In many cases it is best to continue to cut the contact because people like this are a virus just waiting to re-infect our lives with negativity that we don't need. I wish you the best! You deserve it!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Honestly, I'm still trying to figure it out...

    But the best move in attempting to move on is to cut contact entirely. You won't want to do it, nobody does, but in the long run, it's for the best.

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    • I completely understand. its easier said than done. I have cut contact but what's worse is that I miss that person. Even tho they were not so great for me. Good LUCK!

    • Yeah I also understand the feeling... Thank you tho, and good luck to you as well! :)

    • Im with both of you guys. Really sucks!

  • When it came to break-ups, what worked best for me was to treat my ex as if she had passed away...like she's never coming back. Its OK to remember the good times you might have had, but that person no longer exhists. You're young and you still have plenty of living to do and plenty of men to pick & choose from. Look at it as being free of anyone and start a new and better life for yourself. You've already practiced by cutting him off, now do it for good...YOUR good.

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    • Ive tried doing that. It makes me sad though hahahahah...I really have cut everything off all his freinds and close people that we both know. Thanks for the advice.

  • just move

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    • Great idea! I'm going to start packing right now! NOT. lol

What Girls Said 5

  • Omg, mirror image of my situation!. Do you know it took my ex telling me that he's now "talking with someone else", to get me to want to move on? It hurt me when he told me that, but deep down, I felt relieved. A big reason for me to finally move on. The only thing is is that he's keeping me in his radar...I'm sure as a "back up", in case this potential girlfriend doesn't work out. That's when I had to decide whether I was going to stoop that low, or cut ties completely. I deserve more, YOU deserve more. Things will greatly improve for you if you just let go of the "wrong one"...so that the "right one" will have a chance to treat you right. ;-)

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    • NO WAY! I know what you mean about having to hear that kind of news. I for one would love it if he would to tell me MOVE ON! Because that way I wouldn't be left with the "what if". I could easily be like he told me to move on so I did. But this way is harder because I'm the one deciding even tho I know the relationship is all wrong for me.

  • delete EVERYTHING...and screen his number...and when you work out how to do it please let me in on the secret...i'm trying to do the same thing right now...

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    • Its getting easier. This is what I have done: Deleted his number, threw away EVERYTHING he gave me even my brand new running sneaks, and Whenever I'm tempted to call or text I remind myself why I decided to do this(I think of all the bad, not the good) then if that doesn't work I call my best friends and they remind me why I can't I shouldnt. They say.."Okay go ahead call or text I bet you he won't answer and then you'll feel like an ass!" but in the end they always say if you want to text, text us!

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    • thanks...atm I'm terrified I'm pregnant with his kid...need to check in the morning...and as long as I'm not carrying his spawn please god it'll be smooth sailing after this...ur lucky to have your friends there. I think mine are glad that I've finally seen the light. hopefully a few months of hard work is all it'll take. good luck to you too hun! I'm here too...!

    • I went through that scare also but I wasn't. I'm glad. Or else he would have really been a jerk. Let me know if you are or not good luck!

  • i hate to say it but what works for me is like jay-z says "on to the next one" ! . time for something new girl, go get yourself a new guy and it will take your mind off of it. this time - try to go for someone that is all about you, not just about you when it's convenient for him. good luck! :)

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    • Oh I tried move on to the next one...But I this point in time I don't know. I'm 26 years old and I'm really tired of the dating scene so I think its time to just take time and be alone. Just for a bit I think. Thanks!

    • this is exactly right though. even though you might not like the dating scene, it's just somewhere you have to be if you want to find someone. I was in your shoes for a bit, though I was younger. I dove into internet dating and eventually got over the guy and fell in love with my current boyfriend who makes more effort than me to see/communicate.

    • i agree, it usually works if you learn from your bad relationship and see the things you don't want to go for next time around. everybody deserves to love again, especially to someone more worthy of your heart! good luck

  • Do what I did. Tell yourself, "He was an asshole who treated me like sh*t, and I deserve much better" and file him into the back of your mind. He was toying with your emotions and that is not okay. Obviously you won't forget about what he did, but it's not worth your time to dwell on it either. Instead, think of it as a learning experience. Soon you will find someone who actually deserves you.

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    • Thanks! I began doing as you said and its actually stopped from texting him. Ugh! now I'm jsut pissed! Thanks for the great advice!

  • I know exactly how you feel beacuse I am going through the exact same thing at the momment. I was on/off seeing this guy for over a year. I would always be the one to initiate contact and get the feeling he wasn't that bothered. Then at Christmas he asked me to be his girlfriend so I said yes, we'd agreed to spend the following day together but he stood me up. So I gave him another chance to meet up so we can talk about it but he completely ignored my message. Our mutual friends told me to move on but it's so hard. I guess cutting all contact is the best thing to do but like you I'm really struggling and I want him to be the one to tell me to move on rather than me making the decision. Sorry my comment wasn't much help but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and I'm experiencing a smiliar situation. But best of luck, I'm sure you will find the perfect guy soon enough!

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    • yes we're in the same boat. its okay I know some times we need to vent and that's completely cool. He said he loved me on newyars and that he was so lucky to have me. Well he must no feel so lucky if its been 2 weeks and he hasn't even bothered asking me why I disappeared allof a sudden. We will both find someone! Thanks fo rthe advice :)

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