This is long, but please read it!
Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. He is 28 years old and I am 24. Before we started dating we were pretty good friends. When we first started dating I thought our relationship was great. We are the type of couple that spends all of our time together, besides of course when we are both working. Other then that, our social life is something we share together as well as our life at home. I do not live with him, but it pretty much seems that way. Now here is the problem, in the past he has gone through a couple of phases of not answering my phone calls, text messages, emails etc. for a day or two. and then when he finally does answer he makes an excuse like he was out somewhere that didn't have service and he sticks to that lie, but after a while if I ask him the same question or say "remember that time you where at such and such place?" he will say "what, I don't remember that...i don't know, I am not sure" something along the lines of that. Which makes me believe that he is lying because how can you go somewhere and then simply forget that you did? But he never admits to it being a lie. There have also been times where I have seen a girl text him and he claims that is not big deal, it is just an old friend and I trust it. But that old friend manages to get his email address and at that point they are privately emailing each other at all hours of the night. There was even emails like "are you coming over tonight?" "what are you doing tonight" and what not. He claims that maybe it was a joke or and accident and swears that nothing is going on. Also, since I have seen emails like that in the past he makes sure that if he emails someone privately that those emails get deleted right away. However there has been a time when the girl responded and he didn't have the chance to read the email and I saw it and then he mentioned that he only deleted his sent message because I make a big deal out of everything and it really wasn't a big deal, so he didn't want me to make something of it. Two of his ex girlfriends have claimed that he has contacted them for sex, but he says that they are lying and they are saying that to break us up. I am not sure what to do or who to believe. I know this sounds stupid on my part and I should just take it as it is, but I do not want to make the wrong decision. By the way, we both come from a very strong Christian background and although to some this may not count for much but he has even "Bibled" (swore on the Bible) that he has not cheated or done anything on the lines of cheating. I need advice and I do not know where to seek it, but he will not admit to anything and he holds his ground on it. Even when I tell him that I will forgive him if he has cheated he says "well pretend that I have cheated and get over it already, so things can get back to normal" This is all very new to me and I need help and advice.
Most Helpful Girl
Hi, I hate having to be where you are at, it's so not fun. If I leave my 2 girls with any relationship advice, it would be 2 things, one, behind every negative bad feeling, or drama there is ALWAYS fear. Fear of not having getting or keeping something we value, or of our own inadequacy, fear we aren't good enough. When someone upsets us we responde the more fearful we are the more intense we respond. Like Panic, when a loved one is injured. I want you to ask yourself what it is you fear if he is cheating, if he has lost interest, is dishonest. Do you fear it's because you're not good enough? Or is it being alone that you fear? Remember what other people do, is about them, and no matter what us girls are going to be just fine with or without a man. He does not define you. It's his loss, I realize inside of 2 years of having someone the idea seems terrifying, it's so unknown territory. My brain can cook up scenarios of fear based stories for days I look for any clue..it's horrible. For both. Now I remind myself, no matter what my man chooses to do, I am going to be OK!, I am not defined by my spouse. Have this attitude, and the men will flock to you. If we're insecure, we get manipulated, if we are secure, it's very sexy. 2ndly Trust your gut girl, that is a fear meant to protect that integrity. If certain things cause a quiet questioning and uneasiness, pull back, you don't need proof to spend more time for you. Good luck girl1