Was I really the one in the wrong?

My guy and I just had the biggest/scariest fight in all our 4 years of being together. It supposedly resolved, but I can't sleep now and need to just talk to someone.

We have a very important event tomorrow, something that has been planned for a month, let's call it "the event". Tonight, he attended a dinner party, and I told him a month ago that he cannot get drunk and ruin "the event" for us. He said, yeah of course he won't. Then he proceeded to come home drunk. He was swaying when he walked through the door. To me that's pretty drunk. He brought home some dehydrating drinks to help him sober up.. But why did he get drunk in the first place? That's the part I dun get. He knows he'll be hung over the next day.

So obviously, I got irritated. Then he started being mad at me for not being "understanding". He said that I don't understand that he has

to drink during these events.. N I fired right back "well, do you have to drink SO much?". I mean, he knew "the event" was tomorrow, and he knew I have been looking forward to it a lot. I was so mad. Plus he decided to throw a tantrum at me.

So with his tantrum, I exploded, I couldn't believe that he was mad at me! There was lots a door slamming and shouting. I was doing some he was doing some. Then he decided to sleep in the guest room. I tried to stop him because we never sleep angry no matter what. N that's when it started getting scary. He just got so mad.. He started destroying things, boxing the walls. Till I was so afraid I just kept apologizing and begging him to stop. Then he kept shouting for me to get out and shouting "why did you do this to me?" and I just kept saying sorry. I was sobbing and begging and finally he stopped. Then he sat me down and kinda told me that he loves me.. But he's confused as to what I want. He said that if I din want him to get drunk I should have told him. I did, maybe not clearly enough. But I have my reasons for that. 1) I dun wanna sound like a nag 2) our relationship has never been about controlling one another, we're both adults, we trust each other to be able to know our own limits.

So this is the part where I am confused... Was I really in the wrong for not telling him? I really trusted that he'd know.. Really.. Because he knew how much I was looking forward to "the event". He knew that for sure..

So now it's 3am.. He's snoring.. And I'm still crying. Because the last thing he suggested was that we take a break.. For ME to figure out what I want. Now I am just disappointed, heartbroken, sad, mad. N I just can't stop crying.

Updates:
the thing bout him is, he's the type where the more you tell him not to do something, the more he'll wanna do it. So I try very hard not to directly tell him not to do whatever. Instead, I kinda have phrase the sentence like indirectly.. You know.. So yeah..

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am an Alcoholic sober for 7 years a day at a time... Nobody will ever make him stop doing what he is doing ever! he has to come to that conclusion all by himself... chances are things will get worse before they get better... He is sick !

    I know you don't want to hear this but so are you ! I know it hurts for you to watch him go through this and bring you into it, as well as family and friends to witness this behavior.

    i recommend you attend AL-Anon meetings if your interested message me and I will get you all the info you need.

    One suggestion for you is to not nag him about this anylonger get help for yourself, I know your fine, but your really not ! Your asking for help honey and I am here !

    about the disease of alcoholism 1/42 people who enter into AA will remain sober for the rest of their life. He could be that ONE ! When I drank I would be OK for most of the time but when it came to big events and get togethers or something very important I would ALWAYS go out on a binge and make a total fool out of myself and loved ones... I never wanted to do that, even while in the drunken stuper. But I did , and it always got worse every time. this disease is the only one that tells you , that you don't have it... And logic and reason seems to lose it's power after awhile.

    So my suggestion is to not tell him anything about getting clean because like you say it makes it worse! just go help yourself, IT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE !

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Tell him about AA.

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    • Right? I have a nagging feeling that we have a prob with the alcohol. But the thing is, he really doesn't drink often.. Less than once a week..

What Girls Said 1

  • Men aren't mind readers. You need to tell him point blank "I have this event tomorrow, you know how important it is to me, I know its Friday night and you like to go out and get drunk, while I usually don't mind, I really need you at your best for "the event" tomorrow, can you please make sure that you're at the top of your game?"

    Make it easy and plan something else fun for the evening before, it should take his mind off being sad about not getting drunk

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    • Yeah, I did tell him.. Kinda. I asked before he left, "we be OK for event tomorrow?" he replied "of course"... So I thought that was good..

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    • dont laugh, buy some hemeroid cream and visine, it works wonders on puffy eyes. Go to your event or you'll both feel bad about it.

    • Hmm that's gonna b tough.. Because it's early in the morning. N it's already morning.. N pharmacies aren't open and he's still hurling. But yeah will keep the bum growth cream thing an option for later..

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