Does he deserve a second chance?

so I have been dating my boyfriend for two years when things are good they are really good but every once in a while our personalities will clash and we'll have a huge fight. (we're really similar in some aspects and then SO different in others so we can get in some nasty fights) anyway we got into a tiny fight last Friday and I told him that I don't want this fight to get out of hand so let's just take the weekend to get back to our right minds and we'll talk on monday. he agreed and then before I got out of his car he said I love you and kissed me.

then on Sunday night, my best friend calls me crying saying that she and my boyfriend went to the same party and got drunk and hooked up and she feels awful. but my boyfriend didn't say anything to me until I asked how his weekend was and he said he drunkingly KISSED my friend, but my friend said they had sex so when I told him that he acted surprised and then told me that they only kissed and my bff insists they slept together.

it's a week later, and I still don't know who to believe or what to do and whether of not to forgive my boyfriend and my best friend or not.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds to me like your best friend feels AWFUL about her mistake, and she was brave enough to tell you. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, sounds like he is lying, and trying to get past it. It is possible that he was so drunk, he doesn't remember having sex with her.

    You have to decide if you can look over his drunken infedelity. Unlike what some others are saying, he DOES NOT have the right to hook up with other girls just because you're unavailable for sex, he CAN, but that is called CHEATING! If he would own his mistake, you might be able to forgive him, because he was drunk, but the fact that he is (probably) lying about it, is a big warning sign.

    Right now is when you should begin to consider (cheating aside) whether you even want to continue a relationship... you have been together for 2 long years, do you see a future with him? I'm not saying marriage, but sometimes when we have been with someone for so long, we feel safe because the idea of starting over is scary. I would really think about your feelings for him Even if you can forgive the sex, do you want to?

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    • But if the answer is, yes you do want to be with him, then you will have to move past this issue and work on saving your relationship. The first thing is letting him know that no matter what happened, you will not leave him, and that you want him to be honest with you. I personally don't think you can move on if you continue to doubt his word, because there will always be that underlying question... "did he cheat?" and could ruin your relationship with your boyfriend and your best friend...

    • But also, if you question him too much, you can push him away.. so just make sure you don't push too hard. Tell him you want honesty, and won't punish him for it, and then take his answer as his answer. You don't have to believe him over your best friend. But forgive and forget whatever happened between them.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Well you are not married to him. If you were not available for sex then, because you took the weekend off, you should not be concerned about his sex life when you are apart. Why was your girlfriend crying? Was he that bad sexually? Maybe you are better off finding a different guy. If he isn't any good in bed, you are depriving yourself of a great benefit of being alive.

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  • Excellent "gray area" question.

    A 2 year relationship is not nearly a marriage unless you share the rent.

    You initiated the separation and placed no conditions on it. It was indeed a trial separation.

    For him, getting back right minds might legitimately have included sampling another relationship.

    She might want your Boyfriend and may not be telling the truth.

    Drop the issue entirely unless he wants to bring it up, restore your relationship and judge it on its own merits. If you knew me, you would know I often give "Dump the jerk!" advice. Not this time.

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    • getting back to right minds I guess means a lot of different things. We didn't break up and I can't imagine he thought we broke up because he kissed me before I got out of the car. That's why I'm so confused as to why he had to be sexually be with someone else to get back to "rational" thinking.

  • If you want him back, forgive. If you want to poison your relationships and give yourself a headache, hold a grudge.

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    • but just because I want him back doesn't mean I should go back, right? he'll just think he can do whatever he pleases then and I'll always be there and I don't want to be that girl.

    • You're absolutely right. I said forgive because grudges turn us into ugly people. But he needs to know that he has work to do, and he shouldn't expect a relationship until that work is done.

  • Have you ever cheated on him?

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What Girls Said 1

  • holy sh*t, I thought this crap only happened in movies.

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