Girlfriend cheated, forgave her, now feels guilty and thinks we should break up?

My girlfriends old best friend told me that my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me with one of my best friends 1and half years ago. I confronted her and told her that I have found out what she has done to me. She broke down in tears and begged me to take her back. I really love her and can't believe she did this to me. At first I didn't know what to do because I never thought that she would do this to me, it was such a big surprise. Anyway I decided that I would forgive her because I love her so much.

Next I had to confront my so called best friend about it. This was such a big problem because me and him share the same friends and do a lot of things as a group and I didn't want anyone else to know. I decided that I would speak to him alone and then tell him to f**k off once I found out if anyone else knew about it. I cornered him in the sauna and told him that he had been found out. At first he said "what?,No I didn't" I then told him that my girlfriend confessed everything to me. He then admitted it. He then proceed to say that he could have done it on numerous occasions both before and after the incident. At this point I stormed out of the sauna.

I then called my girlfriend and quizzed her on what I had found out. She assured me that she had only had sex with him once and that was it. She then told me that she had talked to him about me a couple of time afterward on nights out as a group when we had been arguing, so I'm assuming that this was why he thought he could have done it again.

Now she thinks that she has taken it too far and ruined our relationship even though I have forgiven her. I am scared she will walk away from our relationship because she feels guilty, but I just want to try and forget about it and try and move on. By the way after I found out and forgave her our relationship really has got a lot better.

How can I reassure her that we can get through this even though it's not my fault.? The more answers the better. Thank you in advance.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You aren't the one who needs to reassure her, that's what she needs to be doing. You did nothing wrong so working for something to get better isn't your place nor is it fair to you. If you tell her that you forgive her and don't do anything or say anything to make her feel like she's not trusted and she still wants to walk away then let her. Unfortunately if she still wants to leave then to me it sounds like she really just wants to leave and is using that as an excuse. If she cared about you then I think that she would be trying to make things work and move on from what she did rather then bringing it up either though you have already dropped it. I don't think she feels guilty about what she did to the point where she's miserable in the relationship, I think she just feels like she needs a break. If she wants to break up then do it and see how things go. If its meant to be then she'll come back. But you did nothing wrong and its not right for her to make you feel like you need to make the relationship work even though SHE'S the one who made a mistake.

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What Girls Said 3

  • once a cheater, always a cheater.

    sorry, but you can do better. it doesn't matter how sorry or guilty she feels.. it's about you and what's better for you. I would say that you deserve a faithful person that does not go and f*** around. she's sorry she got caught and please don't be in self denial.. I'm trying to help you so that you won't be hurt in the future.

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  • u need to tough with her, if shel sees your a pushover, shel lose respect and walk over you again. she shud be treated the same as a guy in this situation. She can't expect you not to confont your ex-mate, you can hardly just say nothing.

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  • i didn't read all of this. just the beggining, but it was a year and a half ago.. and your just now finding out? ..you have been with her the other year and a half already so I say forget about it. be with her and don't break up. she made a mistake and that was awhile ago.

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    • Yes I have just found out now a year and a half later. I think we are going to be OK but I don't now how to deal with my ex friend. Do you have any ideas how to deal with him?

    • MY OPINION IF HE WAS SUPPOSEDLY A BEST FRIEND HE SHOULD HAVE BACKED OFF FROM HER KNOWING YOU WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. AN OLD SAYING "WITH FRIENDS LIKE THAT YOU DON'T NEED ENEMIES". I'D BE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER FRIEND BECAUSE HE IS DIFFENTLY NOT ONE TO YOU FRIENDS DO NOT DO THAT TO FRIENDS.

What Guys Said 4

  • Tell her that if she walks away, it's not gonna erase the guilt. In fact it'll make it worse because she'll feel like she hurt you again. Try and remind her that you've moved on & that you do feel like the relationship's improved, & if you've forgiven her, she HAS to forgive herself or she'll never have peace of mind...

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  • Well I always believe in second chances myself. You have to be hard on her at first just letting her know that what she did really pissed you off and hurt you. I would put it to bed and let that be it. Forgive but don't forget! If she can't get over her own mistake then maybe you need to reassure her that you want this drama to end and just move on and be with each other. If you have to try that hard to convince her to stay with you. she isn't the right match for you. This is always easier said than done. Best of luck man!

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  • If you feel like you can move past this with your girlfriend. You will probably just have to try and cut your friend out. I guess that's going to be tough as your moving around in the same circles.

    It's one thing having to rebuild trust with your partner but with your best friend at the same time? Sounds like a recipe for stress, anger, paranoia and self doubt...

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  • for not leaving the first time like a smart man. you deserve this.

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