I am in a relationship with a mama's boy but I think it might be more than that.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years almost 4 this year. We've been having problems and it is mostly because of his mom. He is the youngest out of his two older sisters and still lives with her. He is now 23! He is a real mama's boy and I have always been second in his life because of her. A few things have really bothered me:

When he brought me home for the first time I introduced myself and the first thing that came out of her mouth was: "What do you want with my son?" He was 19 and I was 15. I was never attacked in this sort of way and his sisters were there and one of them tapped her and said "That is really rude" and his mom said "SO? I don't care. I want to know what she wants with him" I felt cornered and confused, he didn't even say anything to her his sisters defended me.

When I go to their family functions my boyfriend drives and she tells me to hold the food and sit in the back with the kids while she sits next to him. I felt like I wasn't wanted. When we get there he leaves me and goes off with his mom talking to everyone, not even including me in anything, and we leave only when she wants to. She even yelled at me one time because it was getting late and I wasn't going home yet, she said "Why didn't YOU leave yet, I don't want my son taking you home"

She also changes in front of him!

My boyfriend works a lot too so we barely get to see each other, and on the days that we do she always wants him to do something for her. So then we end up not seeing each other because of her. When I invite him to one of MY family functions he can never come because his mom always wants him there and says that he never spends time with her, but he's always with her! He has dropped plans or even left me to go to her many times. She even still complains to him that we see each other too much, even my mom finds it weird that he has a curfew and she is bothered when we see each other. Every time we are together she calls constantly to have a conversation with him knowing that me and him are together. The funny thing is that he works and pays for everything in the house, suddenly her debts are his problem and he pays for everything. He never buys me presents or takes me out because he buys her stuff and pays for her to go out, he even pays for the gas. It's ridiculous. She gets jealous if we go out, she says "Why do you waste money on going out with HER when there's food in the house?" When me and him are finally alone in his house, she calls and says that she's too drunk to come home and makes us take the bus to pick her up when she has the car and she can call a cab. He does things for her that only husbands do with their wives and it is really disturbing. Next month their moving in a 1 bedroom and their sharing the room, which worries me because we barely have privacy. I talked to him about it but he gets angry with me when I bring it up. I don't know what to do.

I have talked to him recently but I don't think that it got through to him. I think it just went through one hear and out the other. She really bothers me a lot I don't know how to deal with her. Its hard so I stopped going to his house, its not helping =/


Most Helpful Girl

  • I read in a book that unless you make it clear to guy that you want to be first in his life, he will never stop being a mama's boy. Men need to know your expectations, & if you don't show them you have them by putting up with their mama's boy crap, then they will just continue to be a mama's boy. The reason is because mother's show their children what their expectations are, & if a guy gets a girlfriend, & she doesn't show what her expectations are, he will just continue to follow his mother's rules. You have to make it clear to him that you need to be first, & make sure he knows you are not saying he can't do things for his mother, but going out late at night to help his mother every night while leaving you home alone is out of the question. Just talk to him, men don't read minds.

    • I talked to him about 2 months ago and he was furious about it and he just didn't get it. Recently I talked to him again about it and I told him that if he couldn't deal with my expectations then we should just end it now, he chose to stay but it's still happening. He just didn't get it. Every day it's getting hard and I can't avoid her because she's always there, I am not someone that "hates" people but I do resent her at times. I've never been treated so unfairly by an adult in my entire life.

    • Show him you mean business by walking then. Never be afraid to leave a man, that is a power they know they hold over women...

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  • Wow. I think it's time to end that relationship. That is RIDICULOUS. If you don't want to leave him, you at least need to have a very serious talk about that. He's 23, he should have his OWN house and be paying his own bills. I get that she's his mom but she should not come before you all the time like that. Tell him it's time to grow up and be a man. He needs to either stand up to his mom or you can find another guy that will treat you better whom you can actually spend time with. Goodluck hun.

    • We struggle in our relationship mostly because of her. I don't want to end it because we have made it this far, and I want to keep working at it. But you are right, it's getting hard and there may be a time where I can't take it anymore and will have to break up with him.

  • It sounds to me like she has an inappropriate relationship with her son.

    • Sometimes I feel that way. This weekend I was massaging his feet since they were sore and she was across the room talking to her relatives and she gave me the dirtiest look the entire massage. Like she didn't want me touching him. He doesn't like to cuddle around her either, he suddenly gets up if we're in bed in HIS room. She comes in without knocking! It's annoying. It's like she's jealous of our relationship and I feel like he sometimes encourages that.

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