My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years almost 4 this year. We've been having problems and it is mostly because of his mom. He is the youngest out of his two older sisters and still lives with her. He is now 23! He is a real mama's boy and I have always been second in his life because of her. A few things have really bothered me:
When he brought me home for the first time I introduced myself and the first thing that came out of her mouth was: "What do you want with my son?" He was 19 and I was 15. I was never attacked in this sort of way and his sisters were there and one of them tapped her and said "That is really rude" and his mom said "SO? I don't care. I want to know what she wants with him" I felt cornered and confused, he didn't even say anything to her his sisters defended me.
When I go to their family functions my boyfriend drives and she tells me to hold the food and sit in the back with the kids while she sits next to him. I felt like I wasn't wanted. When we get there he leaves me and goes off with his mom talking to everyone, not even including me in anything, and we leave only when she wants to. She even yelled at me one time because it was getting late and I wasn't going home yet, she said "Why didn't YOU leave yet, I don't want my son taking you home"
She also changes in front of him!
My boyfriend works a lot too so we barely get to see each other, and on the days that we do she always wants him to do something for her. So then we end up not seeing each other because of her. When I invite him to one of MY family functions he can never come because his mom always wants him there and says that he never spends time with her, but he's always with her! He has dropped plans or even left me to go to her many times. She even still complains to him that we see each other too much, even my mom finds it weird that he has a curfew and she is bothered when we see each other. Every time we are together she calls constantly to have a conversation with him knowing that me and him are together. The funny thing is that he works and pays for everything in the house, suddenly her debts are his problem and he pays for everything. He never buys me presents or takes me out because he buys her stuff and pays for her to go out, he even pays for the gas. It's ridiculous. She gets jealous if we go out, she says "Why do you waste money on going out with HER when there's food in the house?" When me and him are finally alone in his house, she calls and says that she's too drunk to come home and makes us take the bus to pick her up when she has the car and she can call a cab. He does things for her that only husbands do with their wives and it is really disturbing. Next month their moving in a 1 bedroom and their sharing the room, which worries me because we barely have privacy. I talked to him about it but he gets angry with me when I bring it up. I don't know what to do.
Most Helpful Girl
I read in a book that unless you make it clear to guy that you want to be first in his life, he will never stop being a mama's boy. Men need to know your expectations, & if you don't show them you have them by putting up with their mama's boy crap, then they will just continue to be a mama's boy. The reason is because mother's show their children what their expectations are, & if a guy gets a girlfriend, & she doesn't show what her expectations are, he will just continue to follow his mother's rules. You have to make it clear to him that you need to be first, & make sure he knows you are not saying he can't do things for his mother, but going out late at night to help his mother every night while leaving you home alone is out of the question. Just talk to him, men don't read minds.0