Should fathers be exempt from paying child support if the mother denies access to the child?

Should fathers be exempt from paying child support if the mother denies access to the child?
Providing there are no domestic violence/genuine safety issues, should child support be withheld if the mother denies reasonable access?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I tend to feel that the one who will suffer the most from that kind of set up is the child.

    I get that the guy might think that's the only leverage he has, but I'd personally lol into legal advice, rather than withhold thr money. It would feel like I was walking away, somehow.

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  • Absolutely. Mothers need to stop gatekeeping children. A father is just as much a parent as the mother is.

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    • Mother and father are NOT equal because it is the mother who carries the baby in her womb for 9 months and goes through hell to give birth.
      Mothers have a higher status than fathers.

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    • It's women like you who gatekeep children, prevent the father from bonding with the child and knowing how to care for it, and then turn around years down the road and blame the father for not knowing how to care for the kid.

    • Parents are equally important, as soon as that child is born the decision making and responsibility is 50/50.
      The majority of women don’t go through hell to give birth 🙄 our bodies are literally designed to carry and birth children

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Who suffers when a father is wrongfully denied visitation with a child? The child suffers and the father suffers?

    Who suffers when a father withholds child support? The child suffers and the mother suffers.

    What is the common thread in these two situations?

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  • How would a mother be able to deny access. Legally they are both the parents and any court would grant the father their rights and time with the child as well.

    A child is never a woman's sole "property" with men having to ask and plead to be a part of the child's life. Legally they both have the right to have a relationship and time with the child and courts enforce this.

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    • Apparently it happens all the time. There’s a lot of loopholes and good fathers are denied access to their children regularly.

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    • Because Islam is so great! Wow I never knew! Lmao.

    • Ideally yeah, but realistically this isn’t the case.
      Women are often granted more custody as the primary parent, and choose to not stay within their parenting orders (a few reasons have been given by others here) and the amount of time and money it takes to have her forced to comply is significant. Especially if you’re on the lower end of the socioeconomic scale and can’t afford decent representation and the court fees to enforce the parenting order.
      On the other side, many men don’t pay their child support, even though they’re legally supposed to there are ways to avoid that even temporarily. My parents divorced when I was young and the one thing I remember is my dad saying he’d never pay her a cent in child support and he didn’t. He changed to working cash in hand jobs, didn’t file any more tax returns and she never got anything. Sure he was in trouble with the law for earning and not declaring tax but there was no paper trail for them to force him to pay 🤷🏻‍♀️ It was recently reported there was $1.5 billion in unpaid child support payments in Australia so there are definitely people skirting the system

  • If the father wants nothing to do with the kid he shouldn't have to pay for it regardless of the mother restricting him to see the kid or not.

    If women have the choice to be parents or not men should have the same choice.

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    • Eh I agree up to a point... I’d support the law changing to give men the opportunity to financially abort as long as it was within the same timeframe the woman was able to choose an abortion.
      Once the kid is here, if both chose to go forward with the pregnancy I think the commitment has been made and there is a responsibility is to the child to pay for it

    • I agree, although I believe in some states mothers can give kids up after they are born and the father, or other family members take them and they don't have to pay. Don't quote me on that though.

  • Mother and father are NOT equal because it is the mother who carries the baby in her womb for 9 months and goes through hell to give birth.
    Mothers have a higher status than fathers.

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    • She carries the child indeed, and if you want to keep the risk of complications to a minimum there better be a father involved during those 9 months, and even for the full 18 years after the child is born.

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    • @Shzadi I think you are partially correct. A woman does perform an amazingly important role in the physical development of the child. However, being a mother does not automatically mean that a woman will be a better parent than the father. There are many cases where the mother leads an unhealthy lifestyle and the father is in a better position to raise the child. Also, a father is just as capable of loving a child as the mother.

    • @WalterBlack I agree
      fathers are important too
      but when it comes to custody, it depends on the child's age
      if the baby is like few months, he needs to be with his mother, who will breastfeed, change nappies, give the baby a shower, go through sleepless nights and will look after the baby 24/7
      but if the child is let's say 10 years old, he can do things himself like going to the bathroom, shower, getting dressed, eating food then it is okay for him to live with the father.
      A mother can't live without a very young child because she is more attached to the child, since she carries the child in her womb for 9 months, give birth, which can cause her death, and she raises the child, a child needs to be with the mother 24/7 for the first two years.
      Even in Islam, a son can live with the mother for the first 7 years and the daughter for the first 9 years. Raising children is not easy, a lot of patience and a 24/7 service is needed. If a father goes to work, he doesn't have the time.

  • I do think that child support should be paid not because the father likes or cares about the mother, but because he cares about the child. Now, I do think it has to be proportionate to the earnings of the father and can’t be an unreasonable amount. The father brought the child into this world as well, so I do think there is a moral obligation to support the child.

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  • Yeah I agree with that. Many women are happy to have the father pay, even if its not even the biological one and then afterward deny him the right to see his child. The statistics of how well fatherless children do in life isn't so pretty. Its very sad. Children need dads.

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  • Of course. I mean, its not going to happen (legally she can lie about who the father is and get his money, paternity fraud isn't illegal. Her violating court mandates as it pertains to the child i. e. moving to different states or denying access or refusing to pay child support in the unlikely event that she is required to, is also rarely, if ever, prosecuted), but that would be the logical conclusion to come to.

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  • No, it doesn't work like that. Even though divorce includes a parenting plan visitation it isn't enforceable by law. All the guy can do is take the ex to court and demand to see the child. In most cases he will win that right but not till he jumps through some hoops first. My son wants to live with me full time but because my ex doesn't want that there isn't much I can do without some kind of legal battle.

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    • I know it doesn’t work like that, I’m asking if it SHOULD work like that given the unfairness to men in this situation. They’re much quicker to garnish wages for unpaid child support than they are to rectify custody arrangement disputes

  • Yes. Way too many women are USING MEN to get pregnant without the intention of making the relationship work or having the father in their life. The male sperm becomes a cash advance. there's also no accountability for where the money is spent. This is especially true in the black community. Brothers you know what i mean!

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    • Mother and father are NOT equal because it is the mother who carries the baby in her womb for 9 months and goes through hell to give birth.
      Mothers have a higher status than fathers.

    • @Shezadi okay.. but we are talking about AFTER the baby is born. for the rest of that child's life he is the father. Studies show that a child needs both parents to be a stable and developed person into adulthood. The role of a father is very important. This is especially true in the black community where many are in jail due to harsh drug sentencing.

  • The father goes to the court and gets injunctive relief. She persists, the father gets a contempt order. She gets to spend weekends in jail.

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    • Which still takes a fair bit of time, that he’s still paying for and not seeing his children

  • That's a good point. Maybe the child support should be pro rated. Lol

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    • It is already isn’t it? Between shared custody time, not each person sticking to it 😊

    • No i meant for example ( and granted this just hypothetical i have no dog in this fight), Say a woman is awarded primary custody and out of spite she denies the father as much time with the kids as she can. Then the more involvement she denies him she should be denied equally that amount in child support.

    • Sounds like a good plan to me

  • Nah, the guy should pay no matter what.

    Paying something like $800 a month, giving them the FUCKING HOUSE, and car then they run out and find a guy to replace them is a little too harsh though.
    Stupid ex-wife bs crap.

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  • It’s not fair for him to pay for a kid he doesn’t see, but the child shouldn’t suffer because the parents have issues. However, the kid’s existence is partly because of him, so he should pay anyway.

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  • If there is no lawful reason for a father not being allowed to see his child, yeah.

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  • Just because a woman had the hardship of pushing out said child doesn't give her more custody rights over the farther. Plus it is usually the mother's that leave and expect guys to fund their lavish lifestyles whilst restricting access to the child. Yet nothing is actually done to prove how much the women spend on the child compared to a handbag.

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    • Yes a farther should pay for the child's care and help it grow up but money shouldn't be put directly into the bank accounts of the parents but into one solely for the child that is monitored on the purchases made using it.

  • In some states in the USA that is a law. I think Texas and Washington I know for sure. You just have to fight for it. The law is pretty much unknown.

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  • Yes. There should be an equal standard, otherwise it is sexist

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  • Nobody should be exempt from either unless the father is seriously dangerous, or the mother is not using the money to care for the child at all.

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  • Yes. That would be an excellent way to incentivize cooperation.

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  • The purpose of child support, at least in the us is for the benefit of the child.

    It is not a pay for access tool. Assuming that the custody agreement is spelled out then in the us the father can be compelled by law to provide child support. The mother, if primary custody holder, can be compelled by law to hold to the custody agreement including use of the support for the child. When disputes arise, it must be settled through the courts. Why? To protect the child from either the mother or the father who may have only their own interests at heart.

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  • The father shouldn't pay child support if the kids are with their mother or just pay a small amount of cash if the mother doesn't work...

    If there is no domestic violence and cheating, the kids shall remain with their father and he's free if he can grant you access to see them or not since you initiated the destruction of the family...

    That's how it works for me... if a woman thinks that she can take her kids and deny them from thwir father and make the life of her ex a living hell, she must be prepared to beg his a*s tp give a quick death... yeah like you heard... oppresion bring the worst in a human being!

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    • Mother and father are NOT equal because it is the mother who carries the baby in her womb for 9 months and goes through hell to give birth.
      Mothers have a higher status than fathers.

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    • okay I am not going to change either

    • @Shezadi good, let's agree to disagree...

  • That is what many would call a "loaded question".
    There are two basic principles which I can think of:
    1. If you take part in creating a child, you are responsible for making sure that the child's needs are met and that includes financial support.
    2. In my opinion, a parent automatically has the right to supervised visitation with the child, at a minimum. Of course, the parent looses that right if they are a danger to the child.

    These two concepts still leave a lot of questions unanswered. When parents can not come to an agreement on child support and visitation, these questions must be answered by the legal system.

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    • The non-custodial parent should consult with a lawyer to find out if withholding child support due to a custody battle will make things worse in the long run. The court may order retroactive child support payments (back payments) if child support goes unpaid for a while.

    • One more thing. There is free legal advice available to those who qualify, based on financial hardship.

    • It’s not a real life question as to how the law is currently applied, rather should fathers have to pay if their children are withheld for no genuine reason (such as DV).
      The law already states the father has to pay, he just has to keep spending time and money going back to court due to his ex not keeping up her end

  • Yes they should , otherwise it’s not fair.
    I don’t see anything fair when it’s divorce or etc

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  • no..

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  • They gotta pay? That’s just wrong

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  • Yes absolutely!

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  • Yes 100%. Been there done that.

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  • That a great idea

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  • Good question. I have no idea.

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  • Yes.

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  • Absolutely.

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  • Yea they should, it would help prevent mothers from using kids as political pawns. Too many woman use kids as a means of getting back at their ex in an attempt to hurt them, when in reality their just putting their kids through living hell. Not getting child support if the father has no right to see his children with help prevent this. Also feel the father should be exempt for child support if both parents have 50/50 custody, which means both parents should be contributing to the child and not just one.

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  • What if
    she denies visits BECAUSE he 'forgets' to pay child support?

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    • That don't last too long in my state. They are very aggressive in getting child support--it's a criminal offense to avoid paying.

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    • child support can be deducted from your income in your tax declaration

    • ... yes... that’s what I just said...

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