What do you think about relationship ultimatums?

So I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years, we had our immature fights and all.

He was nice when I know him but recently he throw an ultimatum. I woke up an hour late than I said (not a promise tho), He told me he'd wait to chat with me and he didn't answer so I called him, he is not the type who fell asleep quickly so he was mad, I apologize bc I don't know if he fell asleep. Then I called him "you woke me up for nothing, talk now like there's no tomorrow. Or else im out watchint movie" then he follows with "Now or never, or I might never get back i" he would talk like this when angry and we talked a bit but with his attitude.. it got me angry too. So instead I told him "why are you angry at the slightest things? Just go watch your movie, I'm going to clean my room first" as a way to calm myself because I dont want to explode. And next thing I know he deleted the emoji, changed the chat color on messenger and I said "thats awesome" and he said "your choice".. I even explained about how I dont want the angry me and angry him met it'd be disastrous but he said "I said it very clearly talk now or never" and pushing me into more feeling bad. And said "this is your fucking last chance"

When I read what I said to him I did sound passive aggresive when I'm not at all. And I fear that he'd keep making ultimatums for the slightest mistakes. I'm feeling like not appreciated enough.

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  • You sound patient to be able to handle things like that. He is obviously edgy and frustrated about this or other things. I got lost in how you wrie... must be chinese the way it is worded. Confused. But my assumptions:

    If someone is tired, doesn't feel good, grouchy, I can see reacting like that. But should makeup once better. If he doesn't sleep well, he's under stress, find some better way to communicate and respect boundaries on both sides.

    There is a lot going on here in communicating, respect, boundaries, value, and other sub issues. It's not good and would take work. Do work on both sides, maybe can be fixed and get to better place. but have to talk about what is really going on.

    In general... I hear no love except from you. Not good...

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    • 3d

      sometimes when i get emotional, i forget the grammar xD my bad English isn't my first language:)

      I don't think at that particular time he was tired and grouchy, but he did say he was having a good sleep before i woke him up. it's just no necessary being rude :c

      yes, i'll see what i can do

    • 3d

      people can be grouchy when interrupted, but it's not a good sign, a sign of discontent and not love. may be able to work through it, but requires getting to and through what the real emotions are. what happened is a surface issue.

      no problem, your English much better than my other languages.

  • Ultimatums are never a good sign. You two sound like a volatile couple, it might be a good idea to take this as a blessing in disguise and leave before things go further.

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  • There's no place for such ultimatums in a normal relationship, never mind a LDR one. LDRs take real work and commitment. He sounds like a bit of a bollix to be honest.

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  • If you need ultimatums. Then just end the relationship. It's obvious that's its not working out.

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  • Get rid of this clown, he's a loser you can find a man if you try.

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  • Sometimes it's necessary to inspire change. Not always effective though.

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  • Proof that the relationship is unhealthy and perhaps should end.

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  • Leave that child

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    • 4d

      he's like 6 years old than me by the way :s

    • 4d

      Yeah... that doesn't make it any better 😂

  • its controlling behavior

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  • It's wrong

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  • not very nice at all

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  • Ultimatums are never good.

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  • Controlling.

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  • It shows immaturity. Especially since your relationship is long distance u need to have better communication.

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  • My dear , I don't want to discourage you , but I used to be in long dinstanse relationship, and believe me when we came across the first difficulty he broke up with me and then he accused me for being with someone else , well I didn't let him draw me down and I continued my life and after some month's I found out that he was the one cheating. So please don't do that to your shelf, you don't know what kind of person he is in reality or what he is doing when he is not with you. This world is big and there so many people living in it , I sure that you will find someone to be with in real life , it might sound bad but in the most cases is the truth, I hope I helped you, have a nice day and I hope I hear the best from you.

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