SHALL I MESSAGE MY EX?

So me and my ex had a bitter ending to our relationship I guess, he doesn't want anything to do with me. . And that was the last conversation I had with him, a couple of months back. Our relationship was toxic and controlling, and being 20 years old now, I didn't want to live upon someone else's "rules". I'm a grown woman who can make her own choices, and people should have some faith in me regarding that. I rarely got the chance to make decisions for myself because I would listen to what others wanted instead.

Recently, I've been going through a lot, and reaching out to lost loved ones to get rid of any bad feelings between us. and he came into my head. I'm a good person, I love a lot, I care a lot, despite what someone has done to me. but it doesn't mean that I don't have any faults. and I wanted to reach out to these people and I don't know, not get them back but get a better ending? I want to start fresh and let feelings go, but I can't do that without proper closure.

He came into my head. But he doesn't want me to message him. Should I or should I not? because I don't want to be selfish and I don't want to upset him. Do I just leave what I want to say, unsaid?
SHALL I MESSAGE MY EX?
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