Boyfriend of two years cheated on me a couple nights ago with his ex girlfriend he walked her home then slept at her place while they were out drinking with their friend group. He texted me in the morning acting completely normal and came over to take me to lunch. I brought up his night and he said he slept at a friends place. I kept pushing it until he said he slept at her place but he was blackout and slept on the couch and nothing happened but it was a mistake and they were “just friends”. I can’t believe he could lie to my face before like that and I heard from someone else he kept telling her he was going to break up with me because he didn't want to do long distance again when I moved for grad school and he starts school. Our relationship was happy things were good and he had the audacity to bring up after the ex thing that he was thinking about breaking up with me for a while because he thinks the distance (3 hours) will be too hard doing it again and said he would’ve been so happy with me if we just lived in the same place. Its weird because it came out of the blue, he was the one trying to convince me we could do the distance when I brought up wanting to try but not knowing it would work and he’s always felt insecure that I’ll break up with him for some reason. I feel so betrayed because he always brought up the future with me even the day before he cheated and the sex never waned. I broke things off with him and told him I never wanted to talk so I could move on and blocked him everywhere. He almost committed suicide from doing bad in school and he’s been going to therapy so I know how nervous and anxious he is but I don’t want to give him excuses. How to I get closure from this and accepting it without speaking to him? And try to understand why and how he could do this to me?