I'm so sick of thinking about my ex who ghosted me.. /is it a hope or an expectation?

My ex boyfriend (for a year) ghosted me for 3months.. after I told him I had to move to another city (city B), no contacts since then.
This Friday I will visit my friend in the old city that I lived (city A---where my ex lives right now) and we plan to go to the uni-party (where I met my ex for the first time) I miss my friend so much because I'm a foreigner and I have only one best friend there (oh yeah--my ex was another one best friend too)

After I booked tickets for visiting him. I can't stop thinking about my ex. Right now I'm not sad anymore, and I thought that I dont want anything from him..
But actually it's not.. I dont know if I still have hope or expectation, that I could meet him and talk to him again.. maybe deep down I still want him back (crazy I know)

The truth is my friend will finish his master in this semester so he's leaving city A too, thats why I want to visit him before he leaves, I want to make good memories there with him..

At this moment I'm so sick of thinking about my ex.. and also my hope/expectation that he would talk to me... Besides, toughts of the situations of confronting annoy me as hell.. but I can't stop thinking..

What should I do?

So does it mean that I still cannot move on, right?

Is it normal that I am in this situation? With this hesitation? Sometimes I'm not sure if I made a good decision to visit my friend in city A. But my ex has nothing to do with it--- so I am happy to visit him..


(He was my first boyfriend so I dont have any experience)

Thank you
Updates:
5 mo
I wrote it very confusing because I am very confused right now 🙈🙊 sorry
I'm so sick of thinking about my ex who ghosted me.. /is it a hope or an expectation?
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