This girls been horrible but man I miss her?

So on a whole new level, I've been feeling some pain. Let's start a couple years ago... I had this girlfriend, and she was younger than I was by a year. When I had started dating her, we were just kids in 7-8th grade. Over time, we had broken up 2-3 times prior to our main break. But in the beginning, a lot of the problems had come from me (or so I'm led to believe.) She had insecurities and I didn't help too much. I should not have ever been in a relationship by the way. So we broke up because of me not wanting it anymore and well, I got back with her because I felt something. The second time was the next year when we were on summer break. I was too demanding about wanting to spend time with her. I'd complain occasionally because her dad was the issue but I held off a lot too. After that, we got back together in the start of 10th. Well, through the whole relationship, she didn't share her feelings, or when she tried, she wasn't clear because of worrying about me when all I wanted was her to be happy. Fast forward to a year and a half later, now she's broken down, told her friends how horrible I was, and had the whole class hating me (which was only about 10 kids because of our tiny school.) Around that time, she was willing to work with me after begging and dying inside but it was all too fake. We were together for a month after and it had hurt more being with her. Already at a rough spot in my life having being evicted with my family from our home, but dealing with all this nearly killed me. Forward to now, the start of 12th imminent, she has a guy hanging around and "still thinks about me", I find it extremely hard not to want her in my life. She had lied to me for a while and played me with hiding dating this guy while flirting with me... But I just want her. She knew me, I knew her. I push myself away because of my self destructed mental health, but I'll have to see her for one more year every day and push through to do good. How do I not want her or give in?
This girls been horrible but man I miss her?
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