Why do I feel so low :(?

My heart just hurts so much :( I just don’t seem to have luck with guys at all :( first I was brought up by an abusive father then went straight into an abusive marriage that I escaped with 3 children. The guy I immediately fall for ends up dabbling into cocaine and ghosting me for a year and half. He then comes up... gaining a ton of weight losing his hair but clean.. I thought he was going to be different :( but alas it looks like I’m being ghosted again :(
Why do I feel so low :(?
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