How do I stop beating myself up for still being in love with my ex for such a long time even though he left me for another girl?

I found out the reason that my ex ghosted me was because he left me for another girl. The last time we spoke, I sought closure but we ended up sleeping together and I comforted him while he cried about how terrible his life was! It’s a long story but he would often come to me to vent a lot, even after we broke up. We had sex, said “I love you” to each other every day, and he was bringing me around his family to be humiliated thinking that I was the only girl he was talking to. For a long period of time we were broken up but continued seeing each other just bc I wasn’t really ready to let go. But at some point I knew I couldn’t keep doing on and off shit. I explained to him that I wasn’t interested in a friends with benefits relationship with him and I told him it was over. I left him alone for a full month and intended to make it forever. Could I blame him for getting a new girlfriend in the time that we weren’t together? No. But he begged for me back! Instead of allowing me to leave, he cried like a baby explaining to me how he was so sorry for everything and I gave him another chance. He ghosted me just a month after we got back together. And I never knew why he was always leaving me hanging or wondering what was wrong with him until last night, a year after our last time speaking. I didn’t even KNOW I was on his girlfriends page I just so happened to be looking for girls in my area that do makeup. I was looking at her work when I saw the video, caption:“me and my boyfriend❤️“ dating to a few weeks after our last encounter. I feel disgusted with him and disappointed in myself. Up until I saw that video I still had respect for him but he had been in a relationship while blocking me from moving on. I got into another relationship just recently but for a long time I still worried about my ex. I thought of him often and wondered a lot about how he was doing and if he was okay. Now, I’m so disgusted with every memory of us together because of kind of ashamed of myself
How do I stop beating myself up for still being in love with my ex for such a long time even though he left me for another girl?
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