I want my best friend back?

Our first impressions were so bad lol. I didn't give him any attention and while he tried his hardest to make me laugh or blush. After he left I asked him to take me on an hour ride somewhere a week later and I got to know him more. He became my "best friend". I told him about a failed attempt with a guy and he convinced me into letting him take me out. We dated for 2 months then split but came back together always somehow (this being the 4th time if he comes back).

He really was my best friend, he would take care of me, make sure I'm safe. He would be upset when I talked about finding other men, and vice versa. We would kiss, cuddle, make love. It was our agreement until he would "fall back". I would think it's because he can feel our feelings for each other coming back, that he was scared, and wasn't ready. Everyone thought we were a couple, everyone saw how much we loved each other, but he would tell me he didn't know if we would be together in the future.. he just knew he didn't want to sacrifice what he already had.
I want my best friend back?
Ik I may have hurt him our first break up, I was different then. I feel like he is scared to label us again because things always would happen. He would be stressed with my personal problems and I would reassure him it was okay.. Ik he has been cheated on, lied to, even broken up with for no reason. I have the patience for change if he ever wanted to get back officially together. But honestly, all of the physical affection could go.. I just want him back.

Nobody can make me smile like he can, when we are alone I'm on a high. When he falls asleep in my arms I don't want it to ever end.. but it does and usually, it comes back but this time, I feel like he has really given up. He says it's too much confusion and the only way for closure is to end our entire friendship. It's devastating because we had so many plans, we told each other so much.. we had a future, and now it's gone?
I want my best friend back?
Please tell me what to do.. somebody?
I want my best friend back?
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