If someone finds out that they are a “side” partner, under what circumstances should they tell the person’s spouse?

This guy I’ve been involved with on and off for almost a year convinced me his wife committed suicide a couple years ago. I just discovered her Facebook (different first name than he gave me) and that they just had a baby (their second child). I grew up with a dad like this guy and the wife and kids don’t deserve it, so I feel like I need to tell her, even if she blames me at first. I just can’t keep it in me. Even though I didn’t know, I feel so sick knowing I slept with a married woman’s husband.
If someone finds out that they are a “side” partner, under what circumstances should they tell the person’s spouse?
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