He said to never speak to him again. How do I cope?

My boyfriend and I had split and got back together after he accused me falsely of shady behavior. We just got back together after I messaged him frequently and called him. We have been together 16 months. We just got back together and I couldn’t help but feel resentment towards him after what he did. I know I love him to pieces but that hurt so bad. It was hard to be nice at times. He has tried to do nice things for me but something in my heart tells me he will never give me what I need. I know feeling aren’t facts but I couldn’t shake him and told him I need to know if we have a future. 18 months we shouldn’t be in this place. He got mad and turned it around saying I don’t respect him the way he respects me so he’s done. He then told me if I would have treated him better we would be there. He then told me he’s done and don’t contact him anymore. Naturally I did. My grandpa passed the next day and I messaged him and apologized. He got into another spat and he refused to come see me and said he’s completely done with me. I had a meltdown called him like 100xs and he wouldn’t answer. I knocked on his door and he said he would call the cops. He has stalked me before and but my emotional behavior was unacceptable to him. He blocked my number. I got a burner number because I don’t understand why he’s so cold. He is very cold. He even said I need to move on or he will get restraining order. I can’t believe this. He used to love me so much. Just the week previous he told me how much he loved me. I feel like a crazy psych bitch. He was the love of my life I thought. I’m so broken. How does he not care? How does he treat me like this? He tells me I’m crazy and then I act crazy. I’m so broken what do I do?
He said to never speak to him again. How do I cope?
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