I realized after about 10 months of fighting it that it was true, you can’t stop loving someone who you truly loved. But I knew that I had to move on. I couldn’t keep longing to see my ex who already made their choice (albeit vague and confusing) that they were just going to disappear from my life. I also realized after a whole year that getting ghosted sucks, but you heal from it. You learn to be okay, but part of you still wants to say goodbye to the person who did it. I’m way to prideful to ever hit my ex up again, and I am ready to love someone else I just want it to be real this time. But dating had been a lackluster experience because I was waiting to feel that spark that my ex love gave me. I felt drawn to him, and loving him came so naturally it was like I couldn’t fight it if I wanted to. And somehow, I thought he felt the same. I just felt it in my heart that he really did love me just as much. And experiencing being ghosted by this very boy made me feel... unsure about my own emotions. I think that maybe I was delusional, or that maybe whatever I had been feeling was a form of craziness because how could I have mistaken the “connection” as a connection in the first place when things went so bad? I’m okay, I’m not hurting anymore. But I want to fall in love again. It’s been a year and I’m ready to try again. I’m ready to experience it but it was such a rare feeling. Falling in love is complicated because I’m still waiting to feel some chemistry with another guy, and if one day i do ever feel that spark again, I’m a little scared it won’t be real and will just be my imagination playing tricks on me again.