Is it weak that I still want closure from an ex from 5 years ago?

After we broke up (she split with me but I wanted her to) she did something unexpectedly cruel and extremely callous. I wrote her and email three years apologizing about what I did wrong, what she to injure me and ultimately forgave her. I never heard back but I’m sure she read it.

I’ve been in two other relationships since. Those went sideways as well, but I was better equipped to handle that. However this particular one has been the moby dick for me. Evil whale out in the sea that won’t escape my mind. It’s going to kill me either way: obsessing about or pursuing it.

I just want 20 mins over coffee to get closure on what she did. But I know it would be creepy as hell to reach out to her at this point (besides in my email I said I would never contact her again. This shit has haunted me for years though. The issue that happened was permanent.
Is it weak that I still want closure from an ex from 5 years ago?
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