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So sorry that u had to go though that... be strong
I'm at peace. This is life...:)
Good to hear that👍
Why only wife?
Because everyone likes instant gratification nowadays. Marriage is more about passion than commitment. If your feelings for your spouse aren't as strong anymore, you should give her up.
If you like instant gratification, then don't get married. Means you're still unsure what the hell so you want, and think oh I want better. Then it's a never ending cycle. What? You want to divorce as much as a wild teen break up?Marriage is both passion and commitment. Heck church weddings I'll hear through sickness and health or whatnot. They make vows. Vows. Commit to love her, to be there for her etc. Leave her when feelings aren't strong? Then every time people have bad arguements they should divorce? That's a weak mindset.Love WILL change when you get married. Because living every single moment with your spouse, they will be a norm to you and things may get "uninteresting". That doesn't mean love fades. That's where you make the EFFORT to spice things up. Activities, dates, jokes etc
Everyone likes instant gratification. But the instant anyone does so to you? You're liable to leave your spouse? Really? If you think you're not being appreciated enough from your spouse, you talk to them about it, fix it.No wonder the world is topsy turvy when there's people like you.May God change your ways.
Do you know the reason why so many marriages end up in divorce? Because our ideals have shifted from marriage as a commitment for 2 individuals to stay together for life to two people staying together only for passion. Passion doesn’t last. If your marriage is based purely on passion, it won’t last. During the 1950s and prior , you were Set up with your neighbors son and you are married for life. They didn’t have the luxury of dating 8 people before they found “ the one” then married. But back then , even when people didn’t find “ the one” divorce rates were much lower. Why? Because those marriages were based on commitment, not passion. Husband and wife are supposed to be famuly and be there for each other for life. If you only stick around your husband because of passion, it won’t last. Passion gets stale over the course of twenty years. Many married people get bored in their marriages and it’s not uncommon.
Before you said marriage is more passion. Now you say its commitment. What drug are you on😂Passion may be lost, but with enough commitment and effort, new one will appear.Heck if people put enough effort, even the person they hate they will know how to love, what more as spouses
Commitment , not passion is the key to a successful marriage. You have no idea how many married folks stay in stale marriages for 20 years. Then they get divorced (often they are devastated). Then they meet someone new in a few years. Suddenly they look like they've never been so happier in a million years. Glowing, smiles from ear to ear, mega excited, looking completely refreshed and reborn. They look much happier than being in those stale marriages for ages. Tons of married folks flirt outside their marriage in order to spice up their own lives. Some even go as far as to have sex outside the marriage. Lots of married people speak of drifiting in and out of love throughout long marriages. The point of it all is: Passion does not last forever. You might be much happier divorcing the boring marriage and meeting someone new but you don't because you want to be there for your spouse and have family by your side. Marriage is sticking together even if the passion is lost because your spouse is your family.
The thing is, if you "liked" someone else other than your spouse and you pursue them, the one non committed is you and the one breaking and spoiling the marriage is you. That's the problem. Because the spouse is boring then why get married to them in the first place?Lack of contempt and commitment so don't blame boredom is the reason. You marry find someone better. Divorce and pursue them. What happen if the pursued rejects you or leave you. What if you married the pursued and then they are much worse in character being a spouse? Or during then you find someone else "better" so you wanna be with them.Yes there are cases where divorce is the suitable way. But on the case of you, liking an outsider? That's cheating leading to adultery etc. Shows how faithful a person is in the first place.
You can't blame married folks for being bored in their marriages or falling in and out of love throughout 20 years. We are all human. Seeing the same thing day in and day out all the time will make things boring. Its similar to eating your favorite food on a daily basis. If consumed way too much over the course over many years, it won't taste as good as your first bite. The reality of marriage is not all rainbows and fairytales. its not like after you get married, your spouse is the only physically attractive person in the universe or that you're completely incapable for admiring anyone else. This is what many like to believe. But its simply not true. You might like to believe that marriage will never get boring. But it does. And chances you will have to work hard to spice things up. Sometimes people might even have to get away from each other for 4 months to learn to miss each other again. I have seen many married folks who have developed immense physical attraction for others, or developed strong crushes too. Not all married people develop crushes but there are many who do. In fact, I had a married man with kids who developed a strong crush on me. He was rather old and creepy. At first I thought it was really weird because he was married but I did some research and it became apparent that this was actually pretty common amongst married folks. It is not wrong to develop physical attraction or crushes on other people. Because after all, you are human. Just because you're married, it doesn't mean you're dead. But it is WRONG to act on your impulses. And this was why I mentioned earlier that a survival of a marriage all depends on how much you are willing to commit to your partner. If you're the type who acts on impulses or take any better that comes along, you're never going to have a lasting marriage.
Its been proven that passion does not last. Just take a look at the ridiculously high divorce rates over the past 35 years, this happened when marriage ideals changed from commitment to passion. Back then marriage was not about passion but commitment. Arranged marriages tend to end up with way less divorce. why? its because both partners aren't there for the passion. They are determined to stay together because they want to be there for each other. These are the types who look hard for solutions when things don't work out. When their spouse has a nasty personality, they let it go because they understand everyone has flaws. If you're married for passion, you might divorce your spouse for having a nasty personality because you're in the marriage for enjoyment, not for the sake of being there for each other forever.
Yes you can blamed them. Cos unlike your example of food, we are humans, with a brain. Need to know that such times of boredom will happen. What happens next? Split? That's the best course of action you gonna think of?And you're just contradicting yourself.
Why would you blame them for getting bored? Is it ridiculous and unreasonable to get bored of your marriage if you see the same person every day for 20 yrs? Why should this be a crime? what do you expect? Marriage to be as passionate as the honeymoon phase for the next 100 years that they are alive? Its simply not realistic. Not all marriages will stay passionate for a million years. And if it does, then you're simply lucky. But it doesn't make people in less passionate marriages to be criminals. I think you really need to reevaluate your idea of marriage. Like I said, marriage is not rainbows and fairytales. There is a distinct difference of what you want to believe marriage to be like and what real life marriages are actually is like. There is no one universal ideal of marriage. Some people can't live staying in a passionless marriage. While others stay in passionless marriages just to be together forever. Not everyone gets married for the same reasons. It really depends on what their priorities are. Just let people do whatever they want to be happy.
If what you say, people get bored then they're validated by others, like them then want a divorce, is supposed to be a correct mindset and reasoning, maybe its you who should re evaluate marriage.Things will happen if you put enough efforts to make it work.Where I'm from, no matter race or religion, divorce do happen but rarely, and for the correct reasons.🤷🏽♂️
"If what you say, people get bored then they're validated by others, like them then want a divorce, is supposed to be a correct mindset and reasoning, maybe its you who should re evaluate marriage."It is true that married folks often flirt outside their marriage in order to spice up their own lives. I never said its the right thing to do but you seem to have a problem acknowledging that marriage does get boring. You seem to be under the impression that marriage is the most fulfilling thing in the universe. It would never get boring. Or that your spouse is the only person you will ever find attractive for the rest of your life. The fun will disappear and you won't be head over heels in love forever. This is the point that I have been trying to make all along which you are unwilling to accept. People fall in and out of love many times in marriage. You can be much happier divorcing the boring marriage and falling in love with someone else. I've seen this happen to many people. But this is not what marriage is about. Marriage is about sticking together even when the EXCITEMENT IS OVER or even if you MEET SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOUR SPOUSE. Just for the sake of staying together. This was something I've explained over and over again which you seem to put a blind eye to.And this is the last time I am writing this. Because you don't seem to be paying attention or reading anything I've written this far.
Even if you try to reignite the passion, you will only fall out of love again shortly afterwards maybe a year later. Like I said, people fall in and out of marriages all the time. Reigniting old passion is also not the same as falling head over heels in love with someone new. When you fall madly for someone new, you enter the honeymoon stage which is completely different from reigniting a passion from 40 years ago. You're comparing fireworks with a match. All I'm saying is: Survival of a Marriage is not about passion or reigniting anything. Marriage is about STICKING TOGETHER WHEN THINGS SUCK, WHEN THINGS ARE BORING, WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOUR SPOUSE.
I'm not paying attention? You just assumed I take it that marriage will never get boring. When have I ever said or implied that? When? Yes it is fulfilling but it is also challenging.You're right, we should stop cause you're are literally contradicting yourself. Crap.You tell me, commitment is important and all, "Marriage is about sticking together even when excitement is over or you meet someone better" etc etcWhich I was the one have been telling you that, from the start, over and over again.And yet you said this, stick together when you meet someone better, but your first reply to me is passion > commitment, feelings ain't strong, give up on your spouseHow is that commitment?How is that not contradicting?Whose bullshitting here now?Istg if you still have any more rebuttals you have something wrong with your brain.
Heck my FIRST reply to the asker is exactly what you're are "trying" to tell me. Commitment, don't quit = stick together etcSeriously.Geez.You on drugs?
So if I contradicted myself , why would you still be arguing with my point of view? Why are you so angry? Do you have any reason to act like you disagree with what I have been typing all along? NO. You're angry because you don't like the idea that people DO GET BORED within marriages. You don't like the fact that there is a big challenge to keep a lengthy marriage together. You don't like the fact that it is possible for married people to develop crushes on other people. You don't like the REALITY of marriage. You have such wishful , high expectations of the fairy tale marriage. And this is because chances are you brainwashed to believe in the religious, old fashioned ways about how divorce should be FORBIDDEN , you should only have sex with one person your entire life, your spouse should be the only one you find physically attractive, or marriage should be sacred. You sound like you're incredibly against divorce and that being faithful matters more than enjoying the marriage itself without any exception. You gotta realize that these are OLD FASHIONED IDEALS. Nowadays, marriage is treated as a union for enjoyment rather than sticking together just for the sake of sticking together. There is NOTHING WRONG with divorcing your spouse if you don't want to constantly work so hard to reignite the passion. Everyone is different and they have different preferences. For some people, falling head over heels in love is more important to them than simply being there for an old spouse.
My point is: The survival of a lasting marriage ultimately depends on commitment, not passion. Because passion dies over the years. You might encounter someone else who you have a strong crush on but you don't act on it because you prefer to commit to the much less passionate marriage. Secondly, everyone has different preferences in life. Just like different people have different life goals. Not everyone wants to stay stuck in a boring marriage just to be there for their spouse or have to work PT jobs keeping their marriage alive. There is nothing wrong with divorce.
Whose mad, me or you? 😂Divorce is not forbidden in religion.I'm the first one to say commitment = hard work to keep things together and you say I don't like the fact of big challenges in marriage?Oh my goodness.Fine fine you win kay you win this. Geez. You go on and on, repeating, what I had said. When you say some things, and you want the other party to listen to every single thing you said, have the courtesy to do the same. Sincerely though, your head okay? 🤦♂️
There isn't a winner or loser in this thread. I wasn't crazy either. It just that you didn't read my comments thoroughly and take everything into consideration because you were mad about one thing.
That may be who she is asking about.
Since when does being the breadwinner entitle you to crush on someone?That's just ridiculous. Being the breadwinner doesn't mean the other person doesn't do their part in a marriage or relationship. And if it is the case where the other person doesn't do their part and is unwilling too then you get rid of them and find someone that is compatible by doing their part. Nothing entitles anyone to lie or cheat.
@PinkMichae Since it became a harder thing to do than sit at home having the time to play around with plumbers.If nothing entitles anyone to lie or cheat, why did you ask the question? What is crushing on someone and getting divorced over it but in-advance preparation for cheating - so you appear like you never betrayed the marriage?
Lol speak for yourself dude.
How is cheating and lying to your spouse better for her or even better for your so called side peice? You mean better for you to fill your selfish needs. If that's what you really think you don't deserve anyone. Nor would you be good for anyone.You can find someone that's willing to have an open relationship then at least you're having an honest relationship. That is if you can handle her having a side peice too.If not that not only makes you a cheater and a liar. It also makes you a hypocrite.
@PinkMichae Sure sis.