What did he mean by this?

I dated this guy since freshman year in high school, and we dated for 8 years. We broke up after i cheated on him and i was devastated i let it happen and i lost him.
Because i couldn't get him to listen, understand or even call me back, i started to date the guy i cheated on him with. I know im dumb, because our relationship lasted less than two years, and he cheated on me too. I guess its karma.
After a year, i tried to get in touch with my boyfriend from high school. I had learned and grown up, i knew i messed up. I wanted to try hoping hed be more open.
As luck would have it, i ran into him and i begged his forgiveness and i was even in tears. I knew i had hurt him, but he seemed emotionless. Almost robotic.
Then he finally said something.
" Don't seek absolution"
He walked away leaving me crying on my knees.
What did he mean by that? I told him i understood his pain, i told him i made a mistake. I was at a party with drugs and alcohol and i barely remember the night i cheated. That was the only time i tried either drugs or alcohol.
Im devastated again he didn't listen to me.
What did he mean by this?
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