Why do I feel empty without him?

I just got a promotion at my dream job, I just moved into an apartment that I’ve been eying for a while, I’ve lost weight with diet and nutrition, I’ve picked up a couple of hobbies that I really like (rock climbing and hiking), I will be vacationing in a place that I’ve always wanted to visit, I have great friends, I volunteer regularly, and I’m embarking on a spiritual journey.

I have all of these things going for me right now, but ever since I cut off a toxic guy whom I adored a few months ago, I’ve felt numb and as if something is missing. It takes every ounce of my body to not contact him, so I can potentially feel something again.

What I don’t understand is that I should feel happy and proud of myself and my accomplishments, yet I can hardly feel anything. I’m surrounded by amazing people in my life, yet I feel lonely inside. Why do I still feel so empty? I’m neither happy nor sad. I neither feel the urge to smile nor cry.

Am I just addicted to drama and chaos?
Why do I feel empty without him?
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