Should I Forgive My Ex?

My ex was extremely mentally and emotionally abusive. He cheated on me at least twice that I know of and a good part of the time we were together, he was gaslighting me and I didn't see it. I've been out of the relationship for nearly 3 years now, but there are still some things that trigger me, or set me off and I have a breakdown. I've gone to therapy, I was diagnosed with BPD and have a medical marijuana card but there is no way to actually get the thoughts to go away.

It has caused a lot of tension at times in my current relationship. Sometimes I feel so bad that I just want to end it so that he can be with someone he deserves and someone who genuinely deserves his affection, but I know I do.

I feel like I've run out of options. Therapy didn't help, previous medication didn't help. Weed helps, but only for a short period of time.

Any advice? I'm happy in my relationship, but I'm unhappy with myself because of how the abuse has trained my mind to think/act and having my mental illness used against me. Its really rough.
Should I Forgive My Ex?
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