How to handle a 4 year relationship ending (bpd/codependency/abuse and trauma warning)?

So I was in a four year relationship with this woman, let's call her S. I met S back in 2015 at a house party while she was with her soon to be boyfriend. I fell in love immediately cause of her smile, her ethics, and the way she carried herself. There were always issues admittedly. A year into the relationship I had to restart her heart via a compressions, she used to hit me and I could never live up to her standards. To her all of my friends were trash. That said she was super sweet when things were nice and I took care of her the best I could. I would read her poetry, cook her food, and admittedly work till I ended up in the hospital for her. I even got myself in a professional school so we could build a better life together. She always did enough to make me feel hopeful that things might change for the better but in October she left me. Her reasoning was that she's not good enough for me and can't commit to anyone. She even started using crack. Anyways I just feel devastated and I dont know how to move on. Like I compromised on medical school because of the burnout rates and the family time and she threw me out like trash. Any suggestions?
How to handle a 4 year relationship ending (bpd/codependency/abuse and trauma warning)?
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