How do I reach out to my ex? trigger warning?

Anonymous
I was victim of sexual assault and didn’t tell my ex about it. A week before we broke up. I went to a party where a guy assaulted me, locked his arms around me groped, and kissed me on my face and neck. I fought him off. A few days later, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he ask/wanted to touch me I got triggered from new and previous assault and harassment and freaked out on him. I never explained why and kept quiet afraid of judgment..
I didn’t even understand why I lashed out at first. The car my boyfriend drove was similar to the car I was raped in. Days went by then he broke up with me. I react to small things on a large scale all the time and most times I can explain. I’ve been recently diagnosed PTSD and RTS because of this and other past childhood trauma.

He doesn’t know and I yelled and freaked out on him and I hate this so much. He’s the love my life and I’m making ways to fix this with a support group and looking for a new therapist that deals with trauma.
But I want to start making amends. How can I reach out to him when I don’t see him or he won’t answer.
How do I reach out to my ex? trigger warning?
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