I got married and not even a year into it it totally spiraled.. Husband was talking to girls a lot, got upset every time I checked his messages with girls. I got better at not checking him a lot until he started getting upset over little things. His "suicidal" ex came back into his life. (only reason I said that was BC she gave him a key to her apt instead of seeking actual help should she feel the need to off herself) I finally had a Saturday off for once.. and I couldn't help myself asking what happened during a "suicidal" moment that lasted 8 hours... He got mad I questioned him about it and moved out on Thanksg. forward a couple of months and I joined some sext discords.. I was lonely and he kept threatng with divorce.. I just need some release n tension.. He found out and said I broke his heart.. I feel terrible n I regret it n I stopped it.. Well he started acting even meaner.. There are times he's borderline abusive.. But I can't help but love him still.. He was my first n only person I was with.. I movd states away 2 b w/ him now I'm alone here.. While he's been living w/ his ex... I made an online friend, just a friend at 1st.. He also liked me 1st.. N that I now have feelings for.. He likes me 2 and I've kept my husband a secret.. Cuz he threatens divorce so much I kinda have given up.. I want 2 stop hurting.. This new guy is so sweet n the opposite of my husband.. I know my husband isn't good for me..
I know us 2gthr is toxic but I can't stop loving him.. I've only been physically intimate with him even after he moved out months ago.. I just.. I dreamed of a future with him but he's just gotten so much meaner.. I tried to stop him from leaving so we could talk things out and he pulled his hand gun trigger on me, and I don't know if he knew it was loaded or not, he's screamed in my face to where I shrink.. And I was patient when he moved out to her place.. And he left me alone in his state..
Now I've caught feelings for an online guy who's the opposite.. Of my husband.. And somewhere deep down I can't stop hoping my husband changes but I've also fallen for this guy.. He makes feel loved and appreciated..