Why do I feel like this? What should I do? What is your take?

kingcooperkid
My ex and I were dating for 2 years before I decided to dump her. Fast forward to 4 months after the breakup, with the final 2 out of 4 months no contact, I decided to reach out to her and let her know that I hope she is doing well. I wasn't expecting her to respond, I just wanted to let her know. She responded 5 days later and we've been conversing since. Just catching up with each other's lives.

She has a boyfriend. Now I really do want what's best for her. If this new dude could make her happy in ways that I can't, so be it. Even if it's not the current dude and its some dude after him. If he's a better option for her at the end of the day, cool, but I'm also fairly confident if I decided to ask her out, she would dump the guy and date me.

What's bothering me is, even though I know logically I have no right to even be mad, especially considering I was the one who dumped her, is that she is fucking the dude. I don't know why it bothers me so much but it does. Especially since I hit her up thinking I'd be okay with the fact that she might have gotten a man within the time that we broke up. I literally sit on my couch thinking about how I am friends with her and I love being around her, but how when she's not with me, she's with her man fucking him. It is fucking with me and I don't even know why. She even cheated on him with me. I guess I really don't want her with anyone else which I feel is selfish of me.

I don't want to stop being friends with her and spending time with her, but at the same time, I hate thinking about it. I didn't even fuck anyone since we broke up. Yes I know, it's not her problem. It really shouldn't matter in this scenario, but it bothers me still. Tbh I don't really know what I am asking. I am kind of just venting. I feel like I am in a weird spot and don't really know how to handle it. I love her. I've never really experienced a feeling quite like this before. It's like all my feelings are clashing with each other.
Why do I feel like this? What should I do? What is your take?
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