We were perfect and we broke up for a reason that wasn’t very good. I’m feeling lost and very hurt. How can I get past this?

[Oofmama]

About four years ago I moved to another state but I’ve been best friends with this one guy since we were 5 we lost contact for a while and recently we started talking to each other. I only ever viewed him as a best friend I never thought of him as anything more than that. A few weeks after we started talking he start asking me these weird questions but they clearly pointed to the fact that he liked me and as I thought about it more I realize that I liked him. soon after that we decided we wanted to be in a relationship together even though we were long-distance. Sidenote he’s leaving in August to go to basic training for the Air Force. Back to the story. we were “dating“ for a month. I’ve liked people and I’ve loved people but never nearly as strong feelings for him. One day he told me he loved me and I’m not very good about expressing my feelings especially in this area but I truly loved him back so I said it back. The next few days after that he didn’t talk to me. I was upset I thought I did something wrong and I told my friend about it and out of rage she texted him. He complained that I never texted him first which is not true I have just maybe not as much as he has and I wish he would’ve just told me that bothers him otherwise I would more. Then he told me that even though he loves me he should never of told me. After he said that even though he cares about me he can’t figure us out when I’m so far away. I had plans to come up to see him so we could figure things out, but those plans backfired due to reasons involving Covid. I told him and he said we should call it quits. I am so so hurt and cry all the time about it and have no idea what to do. I’ve tried distracting myself I’ve tried not talking to him and now I have become being rude and bitter. which is not the kind of person I normally am. i even jumped into a very toxic relationship that i knew was toxic trying to feel something again. I feel lost, hurt, and upset all the time. What can I do to help this?

Updates:

[btbc92]

Understand that it's not your fault or his. It wasn't the right time and neither of you is ready for a serious relationship. It should be both of you figure out your life together. If it was a situation where you and he were going to get married then yeah, I can see the dilemma. But the toughest part of being interested in dating is being emotionally attached to people who may not be the right ones for you yet. Overall, he was honest with you and didn't do it to hurt you deliberately. The only way we would get hurt like that is by expecting too many unrealistic expectations. But here is what you have to really look at and eventually ask yourself this before you do anything else:

1. IF you and he were sexually active or done other things, repent from it, forgive yourself and forgive him for any and all things. Give to God, never do it again and finally let it go. Don't hold on to it.
2. Realize that you and he were being naive and childish with this relationship. By you and him being petty over texting, communication, etc, it helps escalate into a bigger problem.
3. It is WAY too soon for anybody to be saying ILU's. WAY too soon. I believe that he realized more than you did where the mistake was and was rushing into this situation.
4. Both of you are dealing with an LDR with him in the military or at least training in programs with him, correct? For those reasons, he wouldn't have been a good idea to make those promises to each other basically playing with each other's emotions. So now the damage has been done.
5. Let go of bitterness and anger. BOTH YOU and HIM were at fault for this if you really reread what you wrote. You have to be accountable for your actions and so does he. How you are reacting is highly unhealthy and you can't really blame him for your choices after him.
6. If you are struggling to really get your life and priorities together, then the next best option is to get some counseling. Because you cannot be like this.

All and all. I say that your biggest issue is your inability to desire to let go. You want to hold on to a person who right now is not stable minded to actually maintain a relationship, as well as for yourself. This is why I say for you to forgive him TRULY and COMPLETELY as well as yourself if you want to start on the path to healing. And let God take care of the rest. It's going to hurt, it won't just fix itself overnight. But you get to keep having this if it's going to disrupt your life. Remember that whatever it is that is preventing you from living the life you must live, it must be removed. If he is to one day be in your future, get healed first and decide if it's a future you want again. Getting psychologically healthy again is key to forming healthier relationships. If however he is not, still take time off for yourself, at least a year before you reopen to the idea of participating in dating again. Find what you got to do first, list them, get into doing them. Don't hold yourself back anymore from living. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

rule number one: avoid this guy, and cut of all contact for at least 4 months. unfortunately this guy played games. you said you love him, then he doesn't talk to you and starts saying false things about how you never reach out. he's playing games and then blaming it on you and how the distance is a problem blah blah. look, to me, he was a jerk and unfortunately you fell hard for him. he didn't treat you the way you deserve and to move on you need to acknowledge that.
then avoid him, it'll be hard, you'll want to run back to him so bad but DONT. for your own good, and respect for yourself DONT. you only upon up the doors and flood back all those feelings which will make things worse.
then talk to someone you trust about it, journaling helps to release stress and emotion.
then get out of that toxic relationship, you were hoping to get that same high that you did with the first guy.
give yourself time and space, keep yourself busy. take up a new Hobie and cry it all out, but don't cry for the same reason over and over,
get out of that toixcu relationship, and don't go into another one for 6 months because you need to heal nad find yourself again.
finally, love yourself. pamper yourself, go on a shopping spree, or spend time with some quality friends.
and if a thought of this guy comes out, disregard it.
hope that helps!

[stuntbrain]

That's not perfect