How do understand why someone who claimed to love you would leave you? How do you genuinely forgive them?

Anonymous
I have struggled to forgive my ex for years. I feel like I can’t forgive him because I don’t understand how he could claim to have loved me (hundreds of times) and then just ghost out of my life and I end up finding out that he is with another woman. But it could make sense if I could admit that I wasn’t that great of a person to be with. I never considered myself to be THE problem. Maybe imperfect but not a straight up problem. I felt like him lying was the problem, and him still entertaining his ex, as well as a bunch of other accusatory reasons were THE problem. But I finally decided to muster up the courage to look up reasons why a man might leave and one stuck out to me-“a man will leave if he feels burdened by the partner who depends on him for happiness.” That was true. I needed somebody, especially back then, because my life was spiraling out of my control. I felt like a good person, like I was generous and friendly and I wanted to be worth loving. But because he told me he loved me I made him the purpose behind my worth, the thing that I would put all of my worth into. I was never able to actually detach from him and I felt like maybe by forgiving him I could stop believing that he owed me an apology or an explanation, stop believing he owed me anything. So It took a lot of courage to look up why he would hurt me because that meant I need to look at myself and see the bad in a time where I feel just strong enough to carry on. I don’t think I can handle that. I feel like I’m as “over it” as I can be by simply accepting that he never loved me. But to look into myself and admit that he might have loved me but was overwhelmed by me feels like ripping open the wound to try to stitch myself back together to help me heal properly. Looking at myself in a different light might damage me too much to come back from and I need to feel strong now more than ever. But If I am ever going to forgive him, I know I need to accept it aloud that I wasn’t good enough for him
How do understand why someone who claimed to love you would leave you? How do you genuinely forgive them?
2
1
Add Opinion