How do you get over someone who left you for someone else?

Question

So I was with my ex fiance for 2 years not long ago he proposed to me and we were so in love, it was love I never felt before and he was so good to me even my whole family loved him and his family loved me but hated his ex's so I thought we had it pretty good.. about a month ago we split due to him leaving me out of no where saying I didn't appreciate him which isn't true. Long story short when I met him he was left with nothing and was staying on a friend's couch so I took him and his son in and supported them til he got his job.. I even gave his kids a Christmas by putting almost my whole paycheck on them so got gifts cause at the time he had no in come and no job. When he left I was completely confused to why this was happening to later find out he had been talking to a girl that I myself had met the same day he did at his friends. She ended up adding him to FB and on his birthday she messaged him saying happy birthday but I didn't think anything of it. Now when I look back on think why didn't she add me? I was their talking to her as well and clearly she was trying to get with him. His mom does not like the girl at all and he threatened to cut his mom out of his life cause of her thoughts about her (she gets old men to take her naked and half naked photos) she's got them all over her FB and in the past he's told me if I ever posted naked pictures of myself he would leave me cause he doesn't want other guys seeing my parts and it was just for him to see, so I'm extremely confused to why he would end up with someone who does what he thinks is disgusting. I also found out he recently tried to get in bed with her says after our breakup which is weird cause with me he wanted to take it slow. I am still hurting cause I did love him and did see a future with him and my daughter called him daddy since her real dad isn't around very much at all. How do I get over this? Have you ever experienced anything and how did you get over it?

Answer 1

Gagname | 84 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Explorer

Hi - below are some articles (with excerpts) that should help...

“7 Stages of Grieving a Breakup”...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup

1. Desperate for Answers
2. Denial
3. Bargaining
4. Relapse
5. Anger
6. Initial Acceptance
7. Redirected Hope

Post-breakup coping advice...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201904/break-recovery-101-how-heal-heartbreak

Physically Working Your Way Through a Break-Up [exercise]

Keep Your Focus on the Future, Not the Past [find new experiences]

Coping with a Break-Up When a Partner was More Than a Partner [ask friends to brainstorm solutions for problems that an ex would normally help you solve]

Binging Away the Heartache Isn’t Always Best [get reconnected/keep engaged with others instead of spending too much time on “self care” hiding out & binge eating/drinking]

“Rebound Hookups”—Tread Carefully [find a less self-destructive coping strategy than hooking up]

“Dating Moratorium”—Wait Until You’re Ready, But Don’t Wait Too Long [get back in touch with your own identity first, and then “date for companionship” instead of “dating out of desperation”]

“13 Steps to Recover From Betrayal”...

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/14-steps-to-recover-from-_b_5660057

1. Erase the imprints of betrayal. [meditate and purge old memories/thought patterns]

2. Forgive. [free yourself from “pain, frustration, and bitterness”]

3. Throw betrayal away. [write about your betrayal and “get rid of it in a dramatic way”]

4. Start faith slow. [“rediscover faith” slowly]

5. Find others who have faith. [“Surround yourself” with honest/faithful people]

6. Regain faith in yourself. [trust yourself & your abilities again]

7. Detach from people you don't trust.

8. Don't betray. [just never do it]

9. Envision a future free of betrayal. [“What you fear most, you most attract, and if you quiet your fears, you can control what you draw in.”]

10. Control your emotions. [beware of extreme emotions; don’t obsess over the past]

11. Take a leap of faith. [“Follow the voice of your intuition”]

12. Trust two people unconditionally.

13. Reaffirm your faith each day. [“speak an affirmation to yourself” each morning]

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Answer 2

Finchie40 | 329 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

Well your first mistake was falling for a guy that didn’t have his shit together so he saw meal ticket and sucker written all over you. If he loved you like you said you loved him then he wouldn’t be talking to other girls secretly behind your back. So it sounds like he just used you. So Your best bet is to realize you deserve someone that is pretty much in the same shoes you are in that has their shit together and wants to stand by your side as a team. So usually if we meet someone that is struggling it’s best to not get involved with that person cuz they are mainly looking for support and desperate , so when we feel we can save someone and support them and feel we can help someone get back on their feet they are thankful but they also feel they aren’t on the same level , especially a guy , his ego was probably broken cuz he had a girl support him and he feels he isn’t much of man , so he probably met another girl that makes him feel that she is looking up to him. as for you it was the other way around. So you need to realize you deserve to find someone that you are both on the same page and and you both look up to each other

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1 Person

Answer 3

Xoxocutekitty | 145 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

Sounds like when you met him, he was at his all time low. When he got his life back together (hats to you), he remembered who he was and what he "thinks he deserves."

Tons of people confused the unhealthy power imbalanced "passionate" love as love that matters. Maybe he never felt that with you because he never had to grovel for your love. They say we accept the love we think we deserve.. Since you were engaged, he probably "felt trapped" since its possible likes the chase of love more than the maintenance of it.

You doged a bullet, because no doubt people like this dont take personal accountability for using other people and then dumping them when it is no longer convenient. Its not until they themselves are done running, that they can look at themselves.

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Answer 4

Hazelstar99

Xper 7

Just erased his entire existence from my life and leaving no way for him to come back. That would prevent me to go back to him. Once someone leaves you for someone else. They can do it again and again.

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Answer 5

melnc | 1.6K opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Influencer

If you look at what happened from a different angle, you'll understand that what happened is a blessing to open your mind, not a curse. He's not the right guy to develop a family with, especially with kids who need to be raised in a successful relationship. You've dodged a bullet, thank God for saving your soul. As long as your daughter's okay, there's nothing to regret about. Spend more time with your daughter, you owe her hug and kisses.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
She's kind of ok. Every now and then my daughter asks "where's daddy" or "why doesn't he love me anymore" and even times she says she wanted to have a happy family with me and him. He won't even come to see her even when she cries for him. He also left me with high bills that was also his and won't pay up so I lost all electricity and had to throw food out that went bad
melnc

1 y
It's not your fault to pay the bills, but it's now your responsibility to clean up the mess he left behind, and I'm sure you'll fix things. For your daughter, if you give her enough caring love, she'll forget about that idiot, plus she's still a child. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand exactly why, or if you think he's wrong... just focus on fixing things.

Don’t blame yourself, don’t try to push yourself into the future, and don’t make any decisions. Just worry about taking care of your own small family and doing the things you like to do. Sometimes to realize the truth, you have to go through the pain. It's temporary, so don't worry.
Asker

1 y
Thank you so much for the advice. I agree with everything are saying :). I am doing a lot better, my daughter is happier and I picked myself up and I paid my bills, got groceries, etc. Everything is better now and I'm happier without him :)
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melnc

1 y
Yep, don't mention it. Meanwhile, focus on living your best life in your definitions. Most importantly, remember that your (small family) life doesn’t and shouldn’t hinge on having a special partner or not. We are complete by ourselves and relationships should not be there to complete us.
To infinity and beyond! 🚀

Answer 6

Asker

She's kind of ok. Every now and then my daughter asks "where's daddy" or "why doesn't he love me anymore" and even times she says she wanted to have a happy family with me and him. He won't even come to see her even when she cries for him. He also left me with high bills that was also his and won't pay up so I lost all electricity and had to throw food out that went bad

Answer 7

melnc

It's not your fault to pay the bills, but it's now your responsibility to clean up the mess he left behind, and I'm sure you'll fix things. For your daughter, if you give her enough caring love, she'll forget about that idiot, plus she's still a child. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand exactly why, or if you think he's wrong... just focus on fixing things.

Don’t blame yourself, don’t try to push yourself into the future, and don’t make any decisions. Just worry about taking care of your own small family and doing the things you like to do. Sometimes to realize the truth, you have to go through the pain. It's temporary, so don't worry.

Answer 8

Asker

Thank you so much for the advice. I agree with everything are saying :). I am doing a lot better, my daughter is happier and I picked myself up and I paid my bills, got groceries, etc. Everything is better now and I'm happier without him :)

Answer 9

melnc

Yep, don't mention it. Meanwhile, focus on living your best life in your definitions. Most importantly, remember that your (small family) life doesn’t and shouldn’t hinge on having a special partner or not. We are complete by ourselves and relationships should not be there to complete us.
To infinity and beyond! 🚀

Answer 10

allenwants2

Xper 5

It happens but the money you spent on Christmas really helped the kid right it was a gift leave it that way don't ever bring that up cause it ruins the love in giving and that would just add to the agony I know the pain it feels like a big hole in your chest where your heart was torn out it will heal but you got to keep it from leaving a scar that never heals he left cause he is searching for something that he had all along and when he realized that you will be over the pain and enjoying life faithfully and the pain will consume him don't try to start a new with him he will hurt you again you will have the urge to blow out his voice mail don't delete everything redecorate the house so there won't be to many reminders even go to a different grocery store cause I would pass by a food we enjoyed and the pain would come flooding back and I would leave the store in tears

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Answer 11

SunnySri

Xper 6

Mam according to me by finding some kind of distraction like a new hobby or something.
Never go for a rebound relationship too quickly, it will hurt both of you if it doesn't work out.
And delete every photo messages and any other thing that reminds you of him.

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Answer 12

winterfox10

Master

Think about it like this: you dodged the bullet of a controlling dickhead who decided that he wanted more than he was worthy of having.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
True that. He won't even be a man and step up to pay some of his bills that he had here when he was living here. I now have no electricity and all my food went bad and had to throw it all out.. thank God for family for lending me some cash til I got my pay

Answer 13

Asker

True that. He won't even be a man and step up to pay some of his bills that he had here when he was living here. I now have no electricity and all my food went bad and had to throw it all out.. thank God for family for lending me some cash til I got my pay

Answer 14

mamamai

Xper 6

You let time mend your heart and slowly you learn to live without them and eventually you learn to love again

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Answer 15

LemiaOfTheCodes

Xper 7

With great difficulty - You'll have to go through the stages of greif before accepting they have moved on.

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Answer 16

Nephilim000 | 84 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Explorer

Haven't been through anything that rough. But I recently got left for someone else and I am trying to stay busy so I don't think about it

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Answer 17

sensible27 | 108 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

I'd say you understand it's maybe not you and it's them. Didn't read the whole thing though.

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Answer 18

R3DthatDude

Yoda

There is a woman on g@g I remember said she just cries and helps get over them really quick. I personally just go for a long jog

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Answer 19

Gedaria

Master

Have a cry kick the cat and carry-on, find someone new. Been there , it hurts but sadly part of life...

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Answer 20

SCRUMPSHUDILLIOCIOUS

Xper 5

Unfortunately love isn’t based solely upon feelings and that my friend wasn’t love.
He left for another.

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2 People

Answer 21

Liam_Hayden

Guru

You count yourself blessed that you did not waste one more minute with someone who was not really into you.

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2 People

Answer 22

gandolph3

Yoda

yes, a fiancé, left me for another guy. she and I are now friends

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Answer 23

Godofsex916

Xper 1

Its hard to let well enough alone I have been there. Wanted to but didn't shoot him.. he's a big piece of crap

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1 Person

Answer 24

lauragrl

Xper 4

find someone else for yourself

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Answer 25

michael1469 | 114 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Yoda

Steal thier new SO from them.

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